User blog:Rammingspeed/Robot Wars Series 9 Heat A - Rammingspeed's punditry

So, Robot Wars’ return last year answered its sceptics pretty well, I thought – it wasn’t a flipper fest, there was heavy focus on the battles (it wasn’t a glorified reality show) and let’s be honest, the action was great. Pulsar vs Gabriel, Carbide vs Nuts, and especially Apollo vs Storm2 were absolute classics. Seeing it all happen on our screens yet again was something truly special, it really was. And now it’s back again, I can get back to this.

Group Battles
Terrorhurtz vs Nuts 2 vs Rapid vs Jellyfish

Terrorhurtz is Terrorhurtz, it’ll always be a top tier machine. It doesn’t have any natural weaknesses, especially not in this melee – unless Rapid can slip underneath it. That being said, Terrorhurtz has the advantage over Rapid in the way that it can strike that flat top very easily, so if those two come to blows it can go one of two ways. However, I don’t see it happening. I see a Nuts 2/Jellyfish partnership forming in the midst of battle, pretty unsuccessfully. Jellyfish can do about as much in this fight to its opponents as Anthony Joshua can to Tyson Fury (come at me, Joshua’s overrated). The same goes for Nuts 2 really, so it’s Terrorhurtz’s and Rapid’s to lose really. Rapid to flip Jellyfish out, Nuts to do what it does best and lose on a Judges’ decision.

Terrorhurtz and Rapid Progress

Aftershock vs Sabretooth vs Crank-E vs TMHWK

Aftershock has this. What a machine this looks like; the first time I laid my eyes on it I was very, very impressed. But who does it set its sights on first? All of its opponents look very suspect to that deadly flywheel – TMHWK has those reverse wedge sides, Crank-E looks like a blow to the front would knock out its weaponry and Sabretooth just looks like it could be attacked from any angle. Pray for Gabe? Reciting the entire Bible for Gabe won’t help him; he’s going out in Round One for the 4th time.

TMHWK looks durable enough to survive Aftershock’s wrath, but a big blow on Crank-E may prove fatal – it just looks so much more fragile. Aftershock dominates, Sabretooth and Crank-E immobilised. TMHWK scrapes through.

Aftershock and TMHWK Progress

Head-to-Head Battles
Terrorhurtz vs TMHWK

Can Terrorhurtz hit those wheels? I don’t know; I don’t think so. But, I don’t think it’s gonna matter – I don’t see what TMHWK can do here, Terrorhurtz is a bad shape for it to hit. I don’t see a knockout though, TMHWK sounds like a well-engineered robot. Still though, I’ve a feeling this feminist uprising in the TMHWK team could be particularly irritating – so maybe it’s a good thing that they won’t get very far. No sexism intended, but remember how annoying the Widow's Revenge team were? Yeah.

Winner by Judges' Decision: Terrorhurtz

Aftershock vs Rapid

I wondered about this – it’s all about who has the lower front. Upon examination, I saw that Aftershock’s little front forks are absolutely flush to the floor, while Rapid’s flipper isn’t. Rapid is slightly more agile, but I’ll trust Aftershock to keep its front facing its opponent and cause a pretty violent knockout. Aftershock, please don’t hurt me. I have parents who love me.

Winner by KO: Aftershock

Terrorhurtz vs Aftershock

Oooooh. I want to say Terrorhurtz. I really do, but I just can’t. Beta struggled to get past Nightmare in Battlebots, only winning by toppling it over – Terrorhurtz won’t be able to do that here. If the axe hits that flywheel, there’s only gonna be one winner – and it’s not Terrorhurtz.

Let’s not forget how TZ leaps into the air with every strike of the axe, allowing Aftershock to slip in underneath and cause damage. The only way Terrorhurtz can win is if it hits AS’ belt mechanism with a very precise shot, like X-Wing-on-Death star-level accurate. Aftershock wins by knockout, again. Aftershock, please don’t hurt me. I have so much to live for.

Winner by KO: Aftershock

Rapid vs TMHWK

I don’t trust TMHWK’s ground clearance here, nor do I like the look of Rapid’s flat top. However, I think Rapid’s flipper sounds far more effective than TMHWK’s axe – and I’m sorry, but I can’t ignore that ground clearance at the sides. TMHWK might cause a bit of damage, but Rapid should take a knockout win.

Winner by KO: Rapid

Terrorhurtz vs Rapid

Let’s assume Terrorhurtz’s Co2 supply doesn’t freeze this time (the winter wasn’t that bad this year, come on). Rapid can definitely get underneath Terrorhurtz if John Reid gets too trigger happy, but if he stays calm he can use that low front to slip under and cause some real damage. I think that’s what’ll happen, but this is the closest bout of the round. Terrorhurtz by knockout.

Winner by KO: Terrorhurtz

Aftershock vs TMHWK

I had Aftershock down to beat Terrorhurtz earlier, so figure this one out for yourselves. Aftershock, please don’t hurt me. My boyfriend would be very upset.

Winner by KO: Aftershock

Final Table:

Aftershock: 9

Terrorhurtz: 5

Rapid: 3

TMHWK: 0

Final
Terrorhurtz vs Aftershock

Assuming no damage to the belt has occurred, Aftershock will once again walk this – TZ might put in more of a fight this time, even if it is bandaged up, but I don’t see why the result would change. Aftershock, please, please don’t hurt me.

HEAT A WINNER: AFTERSHOCK