User blog:Rammingspeed/Robot Wars, 2016 Series Episode One - RammingSpeed's predictions

What a great set of competing robots the BBC lined up for us here in this brand new start of a true cult classic. A fantastic blend of nostalgia and new. Excuse my shameless alliteration, but I can't help but feel excited for this.

And what do people who're excited about a certain topic do? They think about it, mull over every possibility. Now, there's people out there wondering what the presentation will be like, if they will include battle music, if Ian Lewis has gotten any less miserable - personally, I'm interested to see who's gonna win. Anyway, my thought process has led me to this - my predictions for the inaugural episode of this glorious, glorious reboot.

Qualifying melees
Razer VS Kill-E-Crank-E VS Terrorhurtz VS Nuts

I'll be frank, Kill-E-Crank-E (who I will now refer to as Crank-E, because that's how typing its annoyingly long name makes me feel) and Nuts do not impress me from a visual standpoint. I've had look at a few videos of Nuts in action, and its weapons just simply do not look damaging enough to cause any robot here much harm. Guys, we did away with flails in Series 4, y'know? Just as a short anecdote, do not type "Nuts in action" into Google.

That being said, being an axlebot, it may fair well here as robots of its type generally do in melees provided that they avoid a judges decision, because of how well they can avoid trouble. I can't say the same for Crank-E; its shape looks very nice for Razer to grab and its saw won't bother Terrorhurtz - oh yeah, Terrorhurtz. Forgot about that one. I can see it going through, providing Razer doesn't get that claw anywhere it shouldn't be, like the interior of one of John Reid's machine's Co2 tanks - that's its only worry here really. Razer itself here is a massive determining factor to how this bout goes. Does it still have the power in the beak to pierce the armour of today's robots? Will the other competitors perceive it as the biggest threat due to its legacy and gang up on it? More importantly - will it break down? I'd fear for it in a battle against Carbide, but I don't think anything here can cause it severe damage. However, there's far more in play here.

I'll make a bold prediction. Razer to grab hold of Crank-E, like we saw in the Meet the House Robots special, then whilst attempting to pit it, falling in with Crank-E due to its foe's awkward shape. Nuts does little other than be chased around by Terrorhurtz.

Terrorhurtz and Nuts qualify

Behemoth VS The General VS Carbide VS Bonk

I've already talked about how crap I think The General is. What I haven't talked about is how good I think Carbide looks. I wouldn't be too surprised if it sheared a wheel off or even one of those unwieldy-looking discs, but I digress. Carbide, to me, looks like it will control this melee, as I can't see any robot besides maybe Behemoth being able to fend it away.

As for Bonk, that right there is a bang average axebot if I've ever seen one. Now usually that wouldn't be such bad thing - but against the deadly looking Carbide and Behemoth, a robot almost tailor-made to fight bang average axebots, I don't think it'll be able to do what is required here. Speaking of Behemoth, its survival really comes down to how Carbide inevitably attacks it. If it manages to keep attacks from the broadside and rear to minimum, it should survive

The General won't, though. I can see Carbide tearing through its aluminium armour, large wheels and weaponry, while Bonk lacks the armament to effectively attack the other two - Behemoth to flip it, allowing Carbide to strike its axe directly. This will leave it unable to self-right, and thus eliminated.

Carbide and Behemoth qualify

Head-to-Head Battles
Terrorhurtz VS Carbide

Polycarbonate sides and a lethal spinning weapon is not a favourable mix for TZ. I apologise, but that's all I can think to write about here. One, maybe two blows on Terrorhurtz will be enough to rupture its Co2 supply. Maybe it could have a chance if it uses its hardened front to deflect a couple of blows and score hits while Carbide is recovering - but I don't see it.

Winner: Carbide

Nuts VS Behemoth

Another robot Behemoth will have no trouble against. Those chains won't hurt it, while it can use its superior power and speed to dominate and take a convincing Judges' decision. Unless those spikes want to make themselves known again.

Winner: Behemoth

Carbide VS Nuts

Ooooh. The only other way you'll see Nuts getting this badly damaged is through a dominatrix.

Winner: Carbide

Terrorhurtz vs Behemoth

Closest fight of the bunch. I said that Behemoth was tailor made to fight average axebots - but Terrorhurtz is a far cry from average. Coupled with its low ground clearance, I can see TZ taking this one on a Judges' Decision by scoring multiple hits, so long as it avoids being pitted.

Winner: Terrorhurtz

Nuts VS Terrorhurtz

And once again, please, someone tell me, what can Nuts do here? It can fend off Terrorhurtz initially probably by sitting and spinning, but for how long? Eventually, TZ will wear it down. Even it survives the 3 minutes, it won't win the Judges' Decision.

Winner: Terrorhurtz

Carbide VS Behemoth

I take it back, this is the closest fight of the bunch. But - word of mouth tells me that Carbide has reliability issues. If Behemoth manages to do here what Behemoth does best, expect a repeat of its fight with Hypno-Disc all those years ago.

Winner: Behemoth

And, that leaves us with as the heat final:

 Me VS How the points system works

Oh yeah. We don't know yet, do we? Or do we and have I just missed it? Ah, sod it, I've covered every battle anyway.

Either way, my pick for this heat overall has to be Carbide. I'm not 100% convinced that Behemoth would beat it; it's just what I perceive as the likeliest outcome. On the other hand, I don't rate any other robot's chances against it. I've mentioned its alleged poor reliability, but I don't think there's anything here tough enough to take advantage of it (Behemoth aside).

EPISODE ONE WINNER: CARBIDE