User blog:Rammingspeed/Top 5 Worst Looking Newcomers in Robot Wars Series 10

Yeah, I'm back with this again. This was a little bit tougher than usual, as most of the newcomers in Robot Wars Series 10 actually look fairly competitive - the key word being "most". This isn't a commentary on the physical appearance of a robot, more so how effective they look. Let's not forget that there's only 30 robots this series, so the robots on this list are literally 1/6 of the entire roster. God help us.

5. Tracktion

Come on lads, it's 2017. Why are you still using tracks? On the wooden floor of the classic series they at least provided a bit of extra grip on the floor (sometimes) but on the new metallic floor of today that's not the case. Any spinner that comes close to those tracks is highly likely to knock them loose.

There's also the small matter of its weaponry, which really isn't much better. A crusher? Really? Have this team been in a time capsule since 2004? It might be useful for controlling robots, but with how fast and agile most robots are today I don't see it happening. It does look like Suicidal Tendencies from series 4 which gives Tracktion some brownie points, but then again I'd probably give ST from S4 the same chances of winning - about -4.

4. Apocalypse

When I heard that a robot called Apocalypse was going to be in the new Series, I was hoping it was the robot from the live event scene a few years ago with updates - it wasn't.

I've never really rated axes as a viable weapon in robot combat for a while now. It was fine for Terrorhurtz and Thor in the live events where spinners weren't a thing, but now that they're back axebots are really starting to struggle in Robot Wars. The thing is, Thor and Terrorhurtz are good axebots - Apocalypse just isn't. Flat sides, a particularly spindly looking weapon and side axes - a weapon choice that fails miserable in concept and in practice. "Lack of mobility" on its stats card really doesn't sound too promising, either.

3. Vulture

It took me a while to figure this one out. Essentially, it's an overhead axe with a bar spinner as the axe head. I have so many questions. So, so many. I appreciate that roboteers are trying out new designs, I really do, but why bother with a design so inherently flawed as this? Either make an axe or a spinner, not both.

Vulture is more likely to damage itself than other robots, and with apparent poor welding I really do not hold high hopes for this one. It's also 10kgs underweight, so that helps.

2. Androne 4000

So, how do you use a crusher? You fit a robot into your "crushing zone" and then crush, right? So how do you expect to crush if it looks pretty much impossible to fit most robots inside the crushing zone, Androne 4000?

I'm also gonna repeat myself in saying that crushers are pretty much obsolete in the game today. It's true that the BBC did specifically ask for this weapon type, but then again the BBC also gave the green light to Cassius Chrome, the University Challenge episode and *winces* Android Love.

Androne's crusher isn't even that powerful; we saw how Kan Opener failed to do anything to anyone with its 10 tonnes of crush, what can Androne do with its 8? Furthermore, those hydraulics look laughably exposed, it can't self right, the tyres are on show for all to see, etc. And guess what? It's not even the worst robot in its heat. That honour would go to...

1. The Kegs

They're. Made. Out. Of. A. Beer. Keg. I don't know what's worse, listening to Jonathon Pearce making lager jokes in alcohol awareness month, or the fact that my least favourite grand finalist from last year has been handed a piss easy heat once again.

Anyway, The Kegs. They can rip a hole in a car, but so can I if you give me an axe. They might be the quintessential "anyone can make a robot" (if you've got about 5 grand to spare and a specialist workshop) robot but we all know how they inevitably turn out. Does anyone even remember Trolley Rage any more? I know it's a TV show and not a real competitive sport, but the competition is large part of it - otherwise you may as well go and watch The Gadget Show.

I can see myself warming to The Kegs, but in an ironic "haha everyone laugh at the rubbish robot" sort of way. I'm also hungover writing this, so maybe that's why they're at number one.