User blog:Rammingspeed/Robot Wars Rebooted: Episode 3 Predictions

I'm later on this than I was to my cousin's wedding, but I've got my reasons on both agendas. The former is than I've only just learnt the line-ups for the third episode of 2016's take on Robot Wars, and the latter is - I hate the t***. Censored because I feel some tight-a*** may pull me up on it. Whoops, there I go again.

I'm not here to flaunt my great understanding of taboo lexis (sweary words) though. I'm here to make some predictions. Some lovely, inconsequential predictions.

Group Battles
Glitterbomb vs Dantomkia vs King B Remix vs OverDozer

I've actually got a few things I want to address before I get stuck in, a bit of foreplay. First of all, I'm so excited to see the return of DTK and King B, especially the latter - I had a bit of soft spot for it as a kid. Also, shame on the producers for not putting OverDozer in Carbide or Ironside 3's heat - hell, why not just put it in Supernova's melee? The point is, if you're gonna have a sacrificial robot, at least have it get completely annihilated. The producers of the classic series might've been more corrupt than a right-wing politician, but at least they knew what to do with their crap robots.

On that delicate note, I'd like to rule OverDozer out of the running here on the charge of... you know what, I've written a full paragraph on how laughably inefficient this robotised Harvey Price is. And it was a long paragraph.

As for the other three... I'm sorry King B, I really am, but I don't see it progressing here. It doesn't look too different to the robot we saw back in Robot Wars' original run, and in fairness neither does DTK - but DTK was a two time semi-finalist in the show's later series, whilst King B failed to progress past the second round. Glitterbomb might just be a sexually ambiguous (sorry, feminine) Edge Hog, but King B always did struggle against axes - with that flat top, it's only natural.

Anyway - OverDozer to be overturned, and King B to be immobilised after being attacked by its two worst enemies, a flipper and an axe, then dumped onto the flame pit by Killalot as shown on the trailer.

 Glitterbomb and Dantomkia Progress

Or Te vs Supernova vs TR2 vs Big Nipper

This really is tough, almost as tough as my grandma's pork chops after she left them on for too long (usually two hours too long). I'm not a fan of Big Nipper's new weapon - it looks very unwieldy to me. It begs belief, but I'll say they're the weakest here. And after them, I'll make another bold prediction and say Supernova. That's taking nothing away from it - it's just I've been really impressed by TR2 in the live event scene, and Or Te - well, I'll leave my thoughts on that for a little later.

Supernova, I feel has been overrated since the death of the classic Robot Wars in 2004 by fans. It's very destructive, yes, but remember its embarrassing exits in the first round of Series 7 and against the worst version of Spawn Again in series 6 - it was incredibly unreliable. It struggled against tough robots, like Storm 2 - and in melees. The strength of all its opponents armour cannot be ignored, especially Or Te's. I can't see it lasting the distance here without suffering an unfortunate breakdown.

I don't see what Big Nipper can do here, to be honest. Or Te and TR2 shouldn't have an issue flipping it about, to take a Judges' decision in their favour. Supernova to be rendered immobile prior to this.

Or Te and TR2 Progress

Head-to-head Battles
TR2 vs Glitterbomb

Is anyone else frightened that the little girl on the Glitterbomb team is going to be completely and utterly insufferable like almost every other child who's been on Robot Wars? I bleeding hope not, I've really can't take another one of those or I might have to punch something.

Nonetheless, I predict an easy win for TR2 here. It should be able to throw GB around with relative ease, until it fails to self right and gives the not-so-subtly geordie-themed the 3 points. Seriously, how Newcastle is this thing? I'm half expecting it to rip off its shirt, expose a grisly pair of manboobs and start calling for Mike Ashley's head.

Winner by KO: TR2

Or Te vs Dantomkia

Right, Or Te.

I personally believe this is the robot that will win the 2016 series of Robot Wars. I know it's an unknown quantity. I know it's 15kgs underweight. But look at its strengths - great armour, great weapon, and most importantly - one of the greatest drivers of the classic series, Ian Watts. This doesn't mean I think it'll win every possible match up, I simply think it's the best robot on show, so keep that in mind. Do I think it will win here? Yes.

Dantomkia might be a classic legend, but it's under-performed at live events from what I remember, and it did always struggle against flippers. I'll say it'll eventually get stuck on its back after one too many flips. Or Te to get the KO.

Winner by KO: Or Te

Or Te vs Glitterbomb

This one's pretty simple. Or Te has a good shape for resisting axe blows, and I'm not convinced GB will be able to self right after a good number of flips. 2 fights, 2 KOs for Or Te.

Winner by KO: Or Te

TR2 vs Dantomkia

God, this is close. But, I once again have to vote against DTK for the same logic I applied with Or Te. I'm also going with the same result - a KO against it.

Winner by KO: TR2

TR2 vs Or Te

Oh god, don't make me do this. Right. Remember how I called Or Te the best robot in the tournament? Forget that for a second, because I'm giving this to TR2. I trust Ian Watts' engineering and driving skills enough to avoid being KOed, but its 10kg weight difference will be key here - TR2 can score more impressive flips, perhaps OOTA. I personally think this'll go all the way to an incredibly close Judges' decision after an absolute belter of a fight, where it's awarded to TR2.

Winner by JD: TR2

Dantomkia vs Glitterbomb

And we're left with another easy one here. It's another KO loss for GB, same thing, rinse, repeat, blah blah blah, next please.

Winner by KO: Dantomkia

That leaves us with this:

TR2: 8 Points Or Te: 6 points Dantomkia: 3 points Glitterbomb: 0 points

In the final, we have another instance of TR2 vs Or Te - but this time, I'm giving it to Or Te. I trust it to be in better shape here, given how fantastic an engineer Watts is - furthermore, his driving ability under pressure has to be noted. I reckon this could be over with the first flip, given the how both robots will be lacking in Co2, and I simply trust Or Te to get it more than Toon Raider.

EPISODE 3 WINNER: Or Te