User blog:Rammingspeed/Robot Wars Rebooted: Episode 5 Predictions

And here we are, the last heat of the 2016 reboot of Robot Wars. It's offered up some great moments - "My name's Shane and I'm from Mablethorpe" and "DON'T BRING TYRES INTO THE ARENA" spring to mind. What do you want robots to use instead of tyres then, Pearcey? Space hoppers?

Group Battles
Beast vs Crazy Coupe 88 vs Gabriel vs Infernal Contraption

I've got really, really high hopes for Gabriel. With it, think we have the best axlebot ever created on our hands. I feel as though it'll be safe in this melee, unless CC gets a good shot in on one of its wheels. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.

The rest, I'm not so sure about. Beast, a true legend of the live shows has wavered somewhat in recent years. Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure its lack of armour will be a hindrance as its chassis provides good cover. However, how long will that last against Crazy Coupe? The latter is a completely unknown quantity, but its blade is powerful if we're going by statistics. That being said, being said, how reliable is CC? Will it be able to stand up to Beast's flipper?

All this and I've still not mentioned Infernal Contraption - whose chances I really do not rate here. It's under threat from all of its opponents, having exposed wheels and high ground clearance as well as the small matter of being more out of date than America's firearms policy. They'll end up in the pit.

I'm torn between CC and Beast, I really am, but I'll give the veterans the nod. CC to be flipped by Beast and twatted by Gabriel until rendered immobile, while Infernal Contraption at some point skitters into the pit.

Beast and Gabriel Progress

Thermidor 2 vs Chompalot vs Pulsar vs Ironside 3

I never really saw the appeal to Chompalot. I understand a few people quite like it, but to me it always looked like a flamboyantly homosexual version of Sergeant Bash. Not that I've got anything against flamboyant homosexuals. Anyway, it'll struggle here - all of its opponents pose a major threat to it. Thermidor can exploit its slow scrimech, and its armour won't last long against Pulsar and Ironside.

Speaking of Thermidor - good god almighty, what did they do to you? I loved the old face design it had - it was cool, fearsome whilst still cute all at the same time. Now, it looks like an ageing paedophile on Halloween. And, I'm going to do the same thing I did with the Chompalot paragraph - use my disdain for its design as a segway into why I think it'll lose. I really fear for it against Ironside and Pulsar. I actually imagine, as sad as it is, that Thermidor may end up in worse shape than Overdozer was - its armour just isn't thick enough, nor is it reliable enough to stand up to these two monsters.

Pulsar to turn Chompalot onto its side with its drum, then Ironside to move in and either rip a wing off or cause horrible damage to its underbelly. As for Thermidor, well, I'm expecting at very least to see it lose a wheel - if Pulsar has its way, maybe even the flipper.

Pulsar and Ironside 3 progress

Head-to-head Battles
Ironside 3 vs Gabriel

This, in my eyes, is the only head to head where Gabriel comes under threat - I also think its's the only one it'll lose. Ironside can use its blade to deflect the overhead swings, and can quite easily warp or even break off one of Gabriel's wheels. I'm giving this one to Trev - finally, he enters Robot Wars with something competent. Where's Megamouse, by the way?

Winner by KO: Ironside 3

Beast vs Pulsar

Pulsar's weapon might be deadly, but can it get underneath Beast's front end? It all comes down to that really. Looking at their fronts, I feel there's very little in it. Pulsar's front wheel drive gives it sharper turning circle, but its ground clearance around the side of the robot is very suspect.

I'll trust the veteran's driving ability to get the flip in here, which could prove fatal if that drum hits the ground, but the again - how fatal will it be if Pulsar catches Beast side on and warps its chassis? This is incredibly tough, the last two paragraphs have basically just been a massive, unplanned spillage of my thoughts, but I'll give it to Beast for reasons stated earlier.

Winner by KO: Beast

Beast vs Ironside 3

Another tough one. That self-righter on Ironside doesn't look brilliant, but will Beast get a chance to exploit it? I think it may do, as Ironside's blade is incredibly heavy and must take a while to spin up - giving Beast a large window to come in and flip it over. If that doesn't knock Ironside out and it does self right without any issues, I still feel Beast can take a Judges' Decision here, even it does take some damage in the process if it keeps tight to its foe. Am I overrating Beast here?

Winner by KO: Beast

Gabriel vs Pulsar

Gabriel shouldn't have an issue here. Pulsar has a great shape for it to achieve blows on, and in return can't do much with that drum -it might nick a bit of its tire off, but overall I'll be surprised if it does any more than that. Gabriel takes a KO win after damaging Pulsar's wheels extensively.

Winner by KO: Gabriel

Pulsar vs Ironside 3

Ooooh. Sorry Trev, but I'm going with Pulsar here. That Battlebots fight of Warhead vs Minotaur (we always did struggle against the Brazilians) is still fresh in my mind, and I've a feeling we may see a repeat of that here. Pulsar takes a convincing KO win.

Winner by KO: Pulsar

Beast vs Gabriel

Don't worry - if I was overrating Beast, it ends here. There is very, very little it can do to Gabriel here. I feel as if too many shots from that sword/club/axe/macabre dildo will result in hefty damage to the exposed chassis. It may last two, maybe two and half minutes, but Beast won't see this through. Gabriel takes the KO victory.

Winner by KO: Gabriel

And the final table is as follows:

Gabriel: 6 Beast: 6 Pulsar: 3 Ironside 3: 3

So that leaves us with Gabriel vs Beast, and while Gabriel may have suffered some horrific damage against Ironside, Beast by this point will also be worse for wear - and it doesn't change the fact that by categorical design choice, Beast's weaponry simply will not affect Gabriel. Team Saint wins - and somewhere, Roger Moore is wishing it was still the 1960s.

EPISODE 5 WINNER: GABRIEL