Jonathan Pearce/Quotes

This page is a partial list of quotes spoken by commentator Jonathan Pearce throughout all UK versions of Robot Wars.

Robot Wars: The First Wars

"Amy Sproat, and Daniel Parry, don't harry, with Barry! There they go for the ramp but they've only got a ground clearance of 6cm, will that be costly? They've only ever made a cassette rack before, and a key fob, and they're gonna be fobbed off here! ...and they need to get those wheelchair motors moving now, because Matilda's in, and she's hungry for rrrrrrubber! And the pupils from Hagley High, seem to me to be left hanging high, and dry!"

— Barry, Heat A, The Gauntlet, watching the House Robots gang up on Barry

"The Nemesis boys all want to go into space – AND THEY'RE IN THE AIR! THEY'RE IN THE AIR - AND THEY'RE ON FIRE! GET THE FIRE BRIGADE! Aye, aye, you're in trouble!"

— Nemesis vs Roadblock, Heat A, Arena Semi-Final, as Nemesis gets shoved and has its fur torched by Sergeant Bash

"And Killertron's on the run – its piggyback time! They're in underneath Killertron! It's only a question of time, they know it! Killertron, will be in for the big, big flip! They're gonna flip him – noooooo, it's all over! Roadblock the winners!"

— Roadblock vs Killertron, Heat A, Final, as Roadblock tips Killertron over

"AH, he's into the sheep's pen, and this could be lambs to the slaughter, because Bash and Shunt are closing in, and it could be roast lamb at that - if the torch comes out, and it does! Lamb keebab!"

— Scrapper, Heat B, The Gauntlet, as Scrapper is trapped by the House Robots

"Poor old David looks about seventy-four... seventy-five... seventy-six..."

— Detonator, Heat B, The Gauntlet, as Detonator initially fails to drive off the turntable

"Oh, that's not too much of a weapon, is it really... oh, and that is! Look at that Japanese blade, thrusting down! Leighbot?! Pepper pot! You could pour pepper out of that Leighbot machine now! Look at the holes!"

— Mortis vs Leighbot, Heat B, Arena Semi-Final, as Mortis uses its tantō blade for the first time

"Back down the centre stretch, around the final corner, it could all be over here – OH MY GOODNESS ME! HE'S FLIPPED! It's flipped over, The Demolisher!"

— Heat D, Stock Car, as The Demolisher flips itself over on its would-have-been final lap

"Now, a rolling stone gathers no moss. A rolling sprout, gathers a Sergeant Bash!"

— Psychosprout, Heat E, The Gauntlet, as the spherical machine begins its troubled run on the right-hand route

Robot Wars: The Second Wars

"And here comes Sir Killalot! And look at the power! And look at the bad mood! It's picked up, like a piece of fluff! Piece de Resistance - no resistance there! Surrender!"

— Piece de Resistance, Heat A, The Gauntlet, as Sir Killalot catches and lifts Piece de Resistance over the breeze blocks

"Tantalising, teetering, tottering, toppling, toppling, Tantrummm, totalled!"

— Tantrum, Heat B, The Trial (Tug of War), as Dead Metal drags Tantrum into the open pit

"This is a battle of pride here, because Chaos is doing enough, surely, to go through anyway. But it wants Dead Metal in that pit! It wants Dead Metal submerged, in the smoke! CAN HE PULL DEAD METAL IIIIIIIIN? HUMILIATION FOR THE HOUSE ROBOT!"

— Chaos, Heat B, The Trial (Tug of War), over Chaos' victorious run

"My tip for Mortis... use that blade on Arthur Chilcott's beard. Get a shave!"

— Mortis, Heat C, The Gauntlet, joking about Arthur Chilcott's beard during the start of its run

"OH, and look at Matilda... the tusks raised in anger, in frustration! In for ANOTHER BATTERING AND... MATILDA'S LOST A TUSK! SHE'S TOOTHLESS! History is made! The titanium tusk... is battered AND BROKEN AND OFF! A visit to the dentist needed!"

— Spin Doctor, Heat E, King of the Castle, as Spin Doctor breaks one of Matilda's tusks off with its sit-and-spin tactics

"Technophobic... I hope it's not claustrophobic, or arachnophobic! There are spiders down there! It's dark, it's gloomy... and YOU'RE GOING DOOOOOOOOWN!"

— Killertron vs Technophobic, Heat E, Final, watching Killertron push Technophobic into the pit

"Killalot coming in, but holding the see-saw DOWN! Ooh, that's demonic, AND THAT'S EVEL KNIEVEL, from Panic Attack!"

— Panic Attack, Heat F, The Gauntlet, as Panic Attack launches off the see-saw onto Dead Metal

"And they're going nowhere, as Killalot comes in! Oh, he plucks GroundHog up so effortlessly! Turns and twists, ready for the kill... NO! They've killed Killalot! He's been dragged to the ground, it's never happened before! This is the king of the House Robots, this is unbelievable!"

— GroundHog, Heat H, The Gauntlet, as Sir Killalot topples forward upon trying to carry the stranded competitor

"Matthew Barker, David Barker and Ian Pritchard making the t- OH, magnificent! Great balls of fire!"

— Heat H, The Trial (Football), Round 3, as Sergeant Bash sets fire to the ball

"In goes the ball, 20 points! Now can they get beyond Matilda, and hit that 50-point marker? HA, HA, HA! Matilda's gone, brilliant stuff! Get outta there, Matilda!"

— Roadblock, Semi-Final 2, The Trial (Pinball), as Roadblock targets the 50-point tyre and Matilda reverses into a nearby pit

"And he's been pinned down by the lance of Killalot, and dragged effortlessly into the air! Goes beyond the ramp, turned turtle – AHH, BRILLIANT! Superb gymnastics from Cassius! The little backflip was super! Let's have a look – hey! How about that? Breakdancing from Rex Garrod and Cassius!"

— Cassius, Semi-Final 2, The Trial (Pinball), reacting to Cassius' historic self-righting attempt

"You'll be drawing your pension by the time Jim Struts gets into a gallop!"

— The Grudge Matches, Reserve Rumble, commenting on Jim Struts' sluggish speed as the walking competitor attacks Bumblebot

"Well, I hope you like your kebab well-cooked! I don't think this is gonna last long. For goodness sake, don't try this at home, any of you! These are trained roboteers... would you believe?"

— Nemesis vs Ramrombit vs Sergeant Bash, The Grudge Matches, Inferno Insurrection, as part of Nemesis' paraffin-doused fur explodes

Robot Wars: The Third Wars

"The Big Cheese, torn... OH, great last effort though... to FLIP BASH UP AND OVER, and Bash has lost its helmet! Oh, that's splendid stuff! The Big Cheese still capable of wonderful... Wars entertainment! You can see George Francis chuckling away there in the Chaos team, as well. Brilliant final, two tremendous robots... and Sergeant Bash is in bits and pieces!"

— Chaos 2 vs The Big Cheese, Heat E, Final, as a defeated Big Cheese lifts Sergeant Bash and causes his rear bodywork to detach

"The main feature of the weapon: hardened nose cones. The main feature of the bodyshell... hardened nose cones. The main feature of the team... hardened nose cones."

— Eye of Newt, Heat F, Pinball, playing on the robot's listed weapon during its introduction

"Rising towards 'Bot-halla', robot heavens, Mortis and Gravedigger... come to duel."

— Mortis vs Gravedigger, Heat F, Round 2, over the sequence of both teams ascending in their cherry pickers

"And I think we can have – yes we do! Smoky bacon!"

— Napalm vs Robopig, Heat G, Round 2, watching Sir Killalot push Robopig onto the Flame Pit

"Poor old Robogeddon crumpled, by Hypno...D.I.S.C.- OH! No more letters in that, never mind!"

— Hypno-Disc vs Robogeddon, Heat H, Round 1, as Robogeddon gets its armour shredded

"Oh James of the Stealth team. I do feel sorry for you. No I don't! Go in with the big boys, and you get bashed!!"

— Hypno-Disc vs Stealth, Heat H, Round 2, following Stealth's destructive defeat

"Judge Shred, looking to get those pincers in action, with the great PSI value. Powered by CO₂, but it's... exterminate, EXTERMINATE! Judge Shred PUSHED TOWARDS THE PIT! JUDGE SHRED... PSI, CO₂, KO, TTFN, TA-TA FOR NOW! JUDGE SHRED, OVER AND OUT!"

— Judge Shred vs X-Terminator, Heat K, Round 2, as Judge Shred is pitted

"Plunderstorm?! It's not even a shower! Well... the blows are raining down... under a hail of blows... from Shunt. It's a cloudy future for Plunderstorm, that's for certain! It's... snow joke for them, and the weather forecast... is that the Plunderstorm... will be... swiftly snuffed out... and there will be sunny skies ahead for Thermador."

— Plunderstorm vs Thermador, Heat M, Round 1, as the House Robots deal punishment on Plunderstorm

"I'd pay my admission fee just to see this! Look at this, they're on fire... aflame, a burning! Diotoir, they've got to rebuild it all over again!"

— Diotoir vs The Steel Avenger, Heat O, Round 2, struggling to contain his laughter as Diotoir is set alight by Sergeant Bash

"...and Chaos 2 - OH! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! FIREST-HA, HA, HA! What a way to go!"

— Chaos 2 vs Fire Storm, Grand Final, Eliminator, reacting to Chaos 2 throwing Fire Storm out of the arena

"Well, Terror Australis, as menacing as a koala bear. And, they've shut up shop, and they're heading back to Ayers Rock, and Mortis didn't have to do a lot, let's be honest."

— Mortis (England) vs Terror Australis (Australia), The First World Championship, Eliminator, as the Australian entry is eliminated after being unable to move at all

Robot Wars: The Fourth Wars

"Oh no, not again! This time, it's not the arm... I think there's a problem here, with the direction of Razer... I think they're stuck here in forward drive, and they cannot get off the arena side wall! Which means, they're open for attack... from Pussycat! Who's having kittens now? It's not the cat... it's the Razer boys!"

— Razer vs Pussycat, Heat B, Final, realising that Razer is unable to reverse from the side wall following a Pussycat-induced control failure

"Boo-hoo for Henry 2 - mwuh-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

— Henry 2 vs Dominator 2 vs 101, Heat E, Eliminator, relishing in Henry 2's quick elimination

"Dominator 2, madly flailing away with that axe. Do not try this at home, children, with a toothpick on your brother's favourite model car... wait until Christmas Day and do it then!"

— Dominator 2 vs 101, Heat E, Final, as Dominator 2 attacks 101

"Killalot, at the top of your picture. There's Shunt again, and Dead METAAAAAAALLLLL! And the WEDGEHOOOOOOOOOOG! Come on, the WEDGEHOOOOOOOG! Err, the WEDGEHOOOOOOOG... nighty-night!"

— Thermidor 2 vs Kronic the Wedgehog, Heat G, Final, as the defeated Kronic the Wedgehog is attacked and tentatively pitted by the House Robots

"So, is the boast to come true? They can throw 800kg, they tell us! Come on then... throw Killalot! Go on! Throw Killalot - YOU CAN'T! You can't! The pit descends, one nil to the House Robots, I think, there, Roger Plant, don't you? OOOH! Into the pit - who's gone into the pit first?! It's mayhem out there! Utter confusion! Who went in first? THEY'RE ALL IN! Ah, great stuff! Take on the House Robots? Yeah, right..."

— Wheely Big Cheese vs Prizephita MK2 vs Wheelosaurus, Heat H, Eliminator, the chaotic closing moments where all three competitors are pitted by the House Robots

"Stinger's doing its own thing out there. Like the loony who dances by himself at the disco on a Friday night - you've all seen them, you've all been there... Well I have... I know... that's another point, though!"

— Stinger vs Spikasaurus vs Bulldog Breed 2, Heat J, Eliminator, watching Stinger spinning madly

"Certainly the message got out from the House Robots. In comes Killalot! In comes Killalot. They must have been immobilised, because the House Robots can come in. And Killalot. And that's the end of Tiberius, Sam Smith. You are going, you are going, you are gone! Ooh no. You're not. Not yet. You are on the brink though, Sam Smith. Get your machine away if you can. I don't think he can. I think there's no more drive. Matilda, a little shove, a little glance, a little delicate blow. Sam Smith, and Tiberius, you have gone."

— Tiberius vs Little Fly, Heat K, Semi-Final, when Tiberius is attacked by Sir Killalot, placed on the pit, and jointly dispatched by Matilda and Shunt

"Headache? I don't think any pills are gonna... make that one feel better!"

— Spawn of Scutter vs Knightmare vs Banshee, Heat L, Eliminator, amidst fits of laughter as Banshee is decapitated by Shunt

"You weren't immobilised? Are you sure? Millennium Bug, you are a deceased, defunct, ex-robot!"

— X-Terminator 2 vs Judge Shred 2 vs Millennium Bug, Heat N, Eliminator, following an interview from the Millennium Bug team claiming that their machine was not immobilised in battle

"This is Chaos 2 trying to flip Tornado out of the ARENA - and succeeding! That's what he lives for, George Francis - and again, he's pulled it off! Look at this - in underneath. If you don't first succeed, try, try, try again - out go Tornado in style. Blown out of the arena!"

— Chaos 2 vs Tornado, Semi-Final 1, Round 2, as Chaos 2 throws Tornado out of the arena

"If they keep attacking on a frontal collision with that disc, they'll protect their more vulnerable sides, of course, Splinter. And maybe, who knows - oh, no they won't! There... there goes the scoop at the front!"

— Hypno-Disc vs Splinter, Semi-Final 2, Round 1, the moment Hypno-Disc rips off Splinter's scoop

"Matilda, created at the dawn of Robot Wars, R.I.P. - rust in peace. D.I.A. - destroyed in action. D.Y.W.B. - DO YOU WANNA BET?! Oh yes, the Matriarch of Mayhem, the Sister of SLICE AND DICE, the GRANDMOTHER OF GRINDING METAL, WILL BE BAAAAAAAACK!"

— Southern Annihilator, over the closing 'memorial' and a clip of a heavily-bandaged Matilda driving in the arena

"Ooh, dear oh dear! There's a rhythm to it, a menacing, awful tattoo being beaten out there by the drum of frenZy's great axe... masher... tenderiser! Hardly kind to tender hearts!"

— frenZy (USA) vs Detonator (UK), War of Independence, Round 1, as frenZy pummels the immobile Detonator

"Don't panic! Don't panic, Mr Mortis!"

— Mortis (UK) vs Panic Attack (UK), War of Independence, Round 2, paraphrasing a Dad's Army catchphrase as Mortis repeatedly axes the Welsh machine

Robot Wars Extreme: Series 1

"...and as for Hypno-Disc, it is putting everyone under its spell. In it comes again. Ming 3... battered ALMOST INTO OBLIVION and there goes a WHOLE WHEEL! A whole wheel has come off! One attack - OH, there goes the other one! Well, why not? So, Ming 3, err... what are you going to do now then, boys? Come on. Back into the action, Ming 3! Creep across the arena floor!"

— Ming 3 vs Hypno-Disc vs Wheely Big Cheese, Episode 2, Mayhem, as Ming 3 has both of its wheels removed by Hypno-Disc's flywheel

"...I don't know whether it's balanced anymore, The Spider – I don't think it's going ANYWHERE! Incy Wincy Spidey, comes to a grisly end! This is where the Behemoth scoop simply... picked up and tossed The Spider out of the web, out of the picture... out of the plan!"

— Behemoth vs The Spider, Episode 4, Wild Card Warriors, as Behemoth lifts The Spider out of the arena

"Thermidor again ON BEHEMOTH – THEY'RE OUT OF THE ARENA! THEY'VE GONE! Look at that – 95 kilos simply dumped out of the arena! Bang! They're almost unbeatable, Behemoth... until this moment!"

— Behemoth vs Stinger vs Thermidor 2 , Episode 5, Mayhem, as Thermidor 2 flips Behemoth out of the arena

"And our two House Robots for Annihilator, Round 2. Sir Killalot - all glaring eyes, crushing claws and spiking lance! And... 'TEN-SHUUNN! The Sergeant's on parade with his FIERY TEMP-AAHH, and he's HOT UNDER THE COLLAAARR!"

— Annihilator 1 (Episode 7), Round 2, announcing Sir Killalot and Sgt. Bash as the allocated House Robots for this battle

"Are they in control? We've seen this before from them, when they lost the Tag Team Terror earlier! They're not in control - they've gone BERSERK! They're all over the place here! They're totally out of control! Someone needs to STOP THEM! King B is like a pinball machine in there!"

— King B Powerworks vs 101, Episode 8, Vengeance, as a malfunctioning King B Powerworks speeds and spins uncontrollably across the arena

"And our final House Robots in the show: Dead Metal - those pincers so threatening, that saw so destructive - and his pal, Sir Killalot - huge, ominous, heavy of heart! Why? Killalot, you must talk! Sit down, chat, go over things! Sort it out!"

— Stinger vs Pussycat, Episode 8, All-Stars, announcing the House Robots for this battle

"...and Panic Attack has a little nudge on SHUNT, that's GREAT! Look at this, they're trying to topple Shunt! Certainly got the weapons wedged in hard underneath! Shunt will not like this, and the House Robots, Kim Davies, have long memories! Cease called again! That means "cease", Panic Attack, i.e. stop, desist, finish, end! Yellow card... you're lucky to survive with just that!"

— Panic Attack vs Diotoir vs Shear Khan, Episode 9, Mayhem, as Panic Attack tries to turn Shunt over after 'Cease'

"The wheels are spinnin', but there's no one at home, boys! Down in the pit, they cry! The Scorpion's on the Flame Pit! Again, you see, we hold all the aces! Were you brave, or were you foolhardy? Who volunteers these days for anything? You did! "Ha-ha, we've got you now!" says Dead Metal!"

— Plunderbird 5, Stinger & Scorpion vs Dead Metal & Shunt (& Matilda), Episode 9, House Robot Rebellion, as Stinger and Scorpion suffer damaging attacks from Dead Metal and Shunt respectively

"...and somehow, Diotoir, somehow - it always happens, why am I baffled? - is on fire! Diotoir's always on fire!"

— Comengetorix & Spawn Again vs Diotoir & Pussycat, Episode 11, Tag Team Terror, as Diotoir catches fire yet again

"So Gemini... wobble, wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble! Is it going to be... Napalm, with victory on a plate...?! Well, somehow, Napalm... has contrived an unbelievable victory, without hardly doing anything! How on earth did that happen?"

— Napalm 2 vs The Spider vs Gemini, Episode 11, Mayhem, as Napalm 2 outlasts both of its opponents to secure a surprise place in Annihilator 2

"Baa, baa... burnt sheep!"

— Plunderbird 5 vs Mega Morg, Episode 12, Vengeance, as Sgt. Bash torches the inflatable sheep on top of Mega Morg

"Oh, err, no, no, this isn't fair! Don't take on Beef-Cake, now you've - aw, you've flipped him over - he's like a little beetle! YOU'VE CRUSHED HIM! Oh no, you've crushed him, Killalot! Oh, that is so cruel!"

— RC Warrior vs Beef-Cake, Episode 13, Featherweight Championship, watching tiny Beef-Cake get attacked by Shunt and Sir Killalot

"Irish eyes are not smiling – in fact, there's only one left!"

— Diotoir (Ireland) vs Flensburger Power (Germany) vs Razer (UK) vs The Revolutionist (USA), The Second World Championship, Heat 3, spotting Diotoir's missing eye as Razer lifts the Irish machine near the Flame Pit

Robot Wars: The Fifth Wars

"Come into my parlour... err, said Hypno-Disc to the spider?! Worked that way, did it?"

— Hypno-Disc vs Black Widow, Heat B, Eliminator, during the fight's early stages

"How can you not know the pit release button had been activated? You pushed MouseTrap onto it!"

— MouseTrap vs Shredder, Heat C, Eliminator, after Shredder pits itself following a strong start against the returning Semi-Finalist

"Been fascinating to watch the development of these two sides. Spawn Again now with that formidable flipper. Diotoir - OH, has lost one eye for a start! In underneath, Diotoir, very little ground clearance, but tumbled over. That was the first attack... and then as they tried to self-right and fired their weapon - BOTH eyes actually, came off Diotoir!"

— Spawn Again vs Diotoir, Heat G, Final, as Spawn Again flips Diotoir over and forces it to throw both of its eyes off

"Go on, you're gonna miss the pension down the post office, love! Gotta be out of the arena quickly! OH, who's gone in there with her? The Refbot's gone in! Granny's got hold of the Refbot, what a dreadful thought!"

— Axe-Awe vs Granny's Revenge, Heat H, Eliminator, as a burning Granny's Revenge is pitted by Refbot, who in turn gets pitted himself by Axe-Awe

"Axe-Awe flipped - OH, GOODNESS ME - by Wheely Big Cheese! That has to be a Robot Wars record flip! Look at the distance achieved here... that is immense! Out of the arena, out of the Robot Wars galaxy!"

— Wheely Big Cheese vs Axe-Awe, Heat H, Semi-Final, witnessing Wheely Big Cheese's iconic flip on Axe-Awe

"Now pushing again at Kat 3, the pit release button has been pressed - OH NO! Major To- can you hear me, Major Tom?! Can you hear me?! What a dreadful piece of driving! Kat 3 through and delirious!"

— Kat 3 vs Major Tom, Heat J, Semi-Final, as Major Tom rams Kat 3, only to reverse itself into an opening pit

"Well, if you crush a beetle, it rains and rains and rains, and punishment raining down on Big Nipper now from Razer..."

— Razer vs Big Nipper, Heat K, Eliminator, as Razer pierces and lifts Big Nipper

"I'll eat Shunt piece-by-piece if Suicidal Tendencies doesn't get this decision! It caused more damage to Rick all the way through, was the more aggressive machine. This has to go to Suicidal Tendencies. I have my spanner ready, though, just in case..."

— Suicidal Tendencies vs Rick, Heat K, Eliminator, reviewing highlights of the aforementioned battle

"Wheely Big Cheese... has... gone... out! Grated, shredded... and in comes the circular saw, there, of Dead Metal! Heat generated, sparks flew - you are Welsh rarebit!"

— Panic Attack vs Firestorm 3 vs Wheely Big Cheese, Semi-Final 2, Losers Melee, as Dead Metal slices one of Wheely Big Cheese's wheels

"...and I tell you what, despite all the damage, Bigger Brother are still fighting on. I wouldn't have minded a Bigger Brother like this... and they've got enough confidence to go for the pit release button, have they? Are they going to... nudge Hypno-Disc onto the pit release? What a fightback! OH, Hypno-Disc is on the verge of GOING DOWN - WHAT AN UPSET! Bigger Brother have beaten Hypno-Disc! Ellie - look again! Hypno-Disc are out! You've done it - you've won it! What a stunner!"

— Bigger Brother vs Hypno-Disc, Grand Final, Eliminator, as a heavily-damaged Bigger Brother pits Hypno-Disc

"Firestorm, once a shining dream machine. Now battle-scarred and war-weary, but third in Robot Wars!"

— Hypno-Disc vs Firestorm 3, Grand Final, Playoff, over a comparison of Firestorm 3's condition at the start and end of the series

Robot Wars: The Sixth Wars

"Oh Refbot, what are you doing?! REFBOT!!! That is appalling! The Ref... is in... the pit! Give the Ref a red card, someone! That is dreadful!"

— Raging Reality vs Tetanus 2, Heat A, Round 2, as Refbot backs into the opened pit

"...Mighty Mouse, which has done absolutely nothing... I think is heading through... to the second round of this [chuckles] Heat! It needs now to avoid any sort of damage. Go on, run away, Mighty Mouse! Don't get anywhere near Chaos 2! How powerful is that Mighty Mouse tail, by the way? Have a look... [Chaos 2 rolls Mighty Mouse over with a collision]... ooh, it's frightening! Look, look! Look at the damage that tail can cause! Just imagine. It... it has the power of a feather! Mighty Mouse, go on, squeak away to safety! Stay away from Chaos t- boo, Chaos 2, boo! Don't you touch our little Mouse!"

— Chaos 2 vs Destructosaur vs Iron-Awe 2 vs Mighty Mouse, Heat C, Round 1, as the surviving Mighty Mouse tries to avoid the two-time UK Champion

"They said to me beforehand "it's not a reel-to-reel tape machine. If you think it is, just try and record something." I have recorded something, in my notes: "Shredder weaponry: U-S-E-L-E, double S. USELESS!""

— S3 vs Roobarb vs Shredder vs Armadrillo, Heat D, Round 1, following replays of S3 removing Shredder's right disc

"What have you got suspended up there? I'm told it's a washing machine. A household washing machine, to come crashing down on you, Kim Davies and Panic Attack... NOOOOOOWWWW!"

— Panic Attack vs Terrorhurtz, Heat I, Final, as Panic Attack is placed on the Drop Zone and hit by a washing machine

"It's now free, and it's gone into the pit? No! Very nearly, ooh, and the crowd! Dear, dear, Warhog's almost gone in, and now finally St. Agro's bitten the dust, and they've gone in! Dear, oh dear, oh dear!"

— S.M.I.D.S.Y. vs St. Agro vs Comengetorix vs Warhog, Heat J, Round 1, as St. Agro gets shoved into the pit by S.M.I.D.S.Y.

"The strengths... it's made of plastic, the weaknesses... oh, it's made of plastic. Curious."

— Hypno-Disc vs Granny's Revenge 2 vs 4x4 vs Barber-Ous 2, Heat K, Round 1, summarising Barber-Ous 2's statistics

"Granny's Revenge 2 is about to be counted out! She's smoking already! Granny... don't smoke, it's bad for your health!"

— Hypno-Disc vs Granny's Revenge 2 vs 4x4 vs Barber-Ous 2, Heat K, Round 1, as Granny's Revenge 2 smoulders in the centre of the arena

"Behemoth's in trouble now! What a great fight this is - a PIGGYBACK, PIGGYBACK, and down you go!"

— Bigger Brother vs Behemoth, Heat L, Round 2, as Bigger Brother skilfully lifts, clamps and pushes Behemoth into the pit

"Mr Ugly, is Mr. Psycho of course. Mr Gruesome, is Mr. Psycho. Mr Merciless... is Mr. Psycho. Imagine him as your Uncle. Imagine him as your teacher. Imagine him as the boy next door."

— Spawn Again vs Terrorhurtz, Semi-Final 2, Round 1, as Mr. Psycho and Dead Metal dispose of the immobilised Spawn Again

"That's gonna be moving... at Christmas... in the year 2050, that axe. It'll still be axing away, even if it's... the machine long gone into its... robot grave. Somewhere, the axe will be moving."

— Firestorm 4 vs Terrorhurtz, Grand Final, Play-off, as an immobile, but still axe-swinging Terrorhurtz is steered towards the Floor Flipper

"OH, but they can't get them down the pit! Look at that, it's an anti-pit device as well! An APD! We have never seen one before! We've heard about them, we have never seen an APD until now! And there it is! It goes to the Judges, what innovation... and what drama!"

— Razer vs Tornado, Grand Final, Final, as Tornado's 'anti-crusher weapon' prevents Razer from dropping it into the pit

Robot Wars Extreme: Series 2

"...look at the Ref! He's pushing Sgt. Bash out of it. Get away! He shouldn't be out there anyway, Sergeant, but it's a real old tussle between the two of them! The House Robots having an argument, I love it! Sgt. Bash - look at this, this is great fun! Get away, Ref! Go on, put him down the pit! Ref, you've got to come back and have a word! Sergeant... you are well out of line!"

— Mute vs Mr Nasty, New Blood Championship, Heat A, Round 2, as the action focuses on an impromptu 'tussle' between Sgt. Bash and Refbot

"Eddy, none too steady, and went to beddy! WAHHHHH! I WANT MY TEDDY!"

— Robot Rampage, Featherweight Championship, Heat, as Eddy Evolution pits itself during a recap of the second qualifying Heat

"Now watch for Combatant... flipped out of the pit, from Hades to heaven... in one move. I wish it was as easy as that!"

— Robot Rampage, Antweight Championship, Heat, as Combatant escapes from the pit with assistance from Hades

"Look at the work done here, by Anty B! They say ants have a prodigious work rate, and he's doing just that!"

— Robot Rampage, Antweight Championship, Final, as Anty B relentlessly attacks Lower

"Six foot two, eyes of blue. Mr. Psycho's after you!"

— Firestorm 4 (England) vs Panic Attack (Wales), Commonwealth Carnage, Round 2, as Mr. Psycho pursues Firestorm 4 across the arena

"Firestorm 4 in underneath Mr. Psycho! Can they do it? Look at Mr. Psycho! That is a huge weight! Mr. Psycho saved by the 'Cease'... noooooooooo! Timberrrr!"

— Firestorm 4 (England) vs Panic Attack (Wales), Commonwealth Carnage, Round 2, as Firestorm 4 successfully topples Mr. Psycho

"...and the Dutch domestic champion, into the pit, our very own, "Heartbreak Hotel!""

— Razer (UK) vs PulverizeR (The Netherlands), European Championship, Round 1, referencing the Elvis Presley single shortly after PulverizeR pits itself

Robot Wars: The Seventh Wars

"For me, it's all The Grim Reaper, and the Gyrobot, defensively, erm, now what do you call that tactic? I think it's called... running away!"

— The Grim Reaper vs Gyrobot, Heat B, Round 2, unimpressed with Gyrobot's lack of aggression

"Gravity, side by side with Lightning. Gravity watches as Lightning is counted down, watches and listens, AS DOES SHUNT! OH, AND SHUNT HAS PAID THE PRICE! Lost concentration, Gravity flipped it!"

— Gravity vs Lightning, Heat D, Final, as Lightning gets counted out by Refbot and Gravity flips Shunt

"Oh. Oh. What's he [8645T 2] doing? Toying with the pit. And away through. Si-ay! Away free he went straight onto the arena Floor Flipper and we got you in the end! Clever bit of driving. In't he clever?"

— Mighty Mouse vs Mobot vs Thermidor 2 vs 8645T 2, Heat J, Round 1, as 8645T 2 charges around the arena before being thrown lengthways by the Floor Flipper

"Pinser... wakey, wakey you too! Okay, look... now you've beaten Cobra, but that thing there? You see that little thing there? It's called Mr. Psycho. Get out of the way. That's one hammer blow. Mr Psycho manages to hit himself on the head. Ladies and gentlemen, he's not the brainiest, he's not the brightest. Pinser, neither are you. GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

— Pinser vs Cobra vs The Kraken vs Kronic the Wedgehog, Heat J, Round 1, irritated by Pinser's lack of mobility as it and Cobra come under attack from Mr. Psycho

"Two electric motorsh, two-cylinder she-O₂ shyshtem for the axe, lift, and shrimech, but die wheelsh are exposhed guysh, huh?"

— Spawn Again vs Chip vs NEATer Machine vs Revenge of Trouble & Strife, Heat N, Round 1, summarising NEATer Machine's statistics with a badly exaggerated Dutch accent

"Mr. Psycho has lost... what little brains he had."

— Topbot vs R.O.C.S. vs Raging Knightmare vs The Executioner, Heat N, Round 1, shortly after Mr. Psycho's head detaches

"And Raging Knightmare, in no sympathetic mood! Spawn Again... Now you can't sit there all day... That's better, down you go, out."

— Spawn Again vs Raging Knightmare, Heat N, Final, Spawn Again balancing on the wall before being flipped out by Raging Knightmare

"What's happened to the count? What on earth's ha- Refbot? What've you gone, Euro? I dunno! 28, 29, 10?! He's gone daft!"

— Firestorm 5 vs Ripper, Heat P, Final, noticing the glitch on Refbot's counter

"Woah, look at that speed for Typhoon 2 now! Listen... listen! The Typhoon is nearing! It is closing! OOOHHH! Momentarily, Atomic was in the eye of the storm, and in the calm, until Typhoon 2 came in!"

— Typhoon 2 vs Atomic, Semi-Final 2, Round 2, as Typhoon 2 slams into an inverted Atomic

Robot Wars: Series 8

"Oh, be still my beating heart. The world's most famous robotic Triceratops is back, but her technology is anything but prehistoric..."

— Meet the House Robots, introducing the redesigned Matilda

"...OH and the wheel's come off The General! Well, what did we tell you? Don't bring wheels into the arena!"

— Behemoth vs Bonk vs Carbide vs The General, Heat A, Group Battle, as Carbide rips one of The General's exposed wheels off

"It's the baby of Robot Wars, five weeks old. Bye-bye, baby... baby, bye-bye!"

— M.R. Speed Squared vs Thor, Heat B, Head to Head, as Thor and Dead Metal gang up on M.R. Speed Squared

"Supernova - ooh, getting a slam on the right-hand side - untested. This is like taking a driving test, at the Monaco Grand Prix!"

— Big Nipper vs Or Te! vs Supernova vs TR2, Heat C, Group Battle, commenting on Supernova's lack of pre-series testing in the opening moments

"Killalot has them slammed. Killalot has them pinned. Killalot has them pinched. Killalot has them raised. He signals to the crowd - will it be thumbs down from the crowd?"

— Big Nipper vs Dantomkia, Heat C, Head to Head, as Sir Killalot holds Big Nipper aloft with his claw

"Kan-Opener... more bite, than a great white? Or is it small fry?"

— Apollo vs Kan-Opener vs PP3D vs Sweeney Todd, Heat D, Group Battle, shortly after Apollo immobilises Kan-Opener with a powerful flip

"Apollo drives into the CPZ - ah, ha, ha, HA! How dare you! Dead Metal venting its spleen and steam - and why not? Goodness me!"

— Apollo vs Storm 2, Heat D, Head to Head, gleefully watching as Dead Metal is flipped by Apollo

"Houston, we have a problem with Apollo!"

— Apollo vs Storm 2, Heat D, Head to Head, spotting Apollo's drive issues later on in the same battle

"Carbide, as a chemical compound, one of the strongest in the world. Carbide, the robot - one of the strongest we've ever seen..."

— Carbide vs Thor, Grand Final, Head to Head, following Carbide's dominant knockout victory

Robot Wars: Battle of the Stars

"Even though it's the holiday season, the House Robots haven't taken a day off, dishing out damage from their Corner Patrol Zones. For our first battle, it's the only snowplough I know with a titanium-tipped axe... it's Shunt!"

— Arena Cleaner vs Interstellar: MML, Episode 1, Round 1, over a festively-themed House Robot introduction

"She loves space, part of her robot... is in space!"

— Arena Cleaner vs Interstellar: MML, Episode 1, Round 1, alluding to the profession of Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock as her machine takes significant damage from Arena Cleaner

"And if Soldier Ant picks them up, Jordan [Stephens] will not be Down with the Trumpets, he'll be down in the pit any moment!"

— Soldier Ant vs Dee, Episode 2, Round 1, referencing Rizzle Kicks after Dee has one of its tyres punctured by Soldier Ant

Robot Wars: Series 9

"Oh, they need a good drummer out there! Phil Collins anywhere? No, he's not here!"

— Aftershock vs Sabretooth, Heat A, Head to Head, as Sabretooth is flipped and sustains major damage from Aftershock's flywheel

""Oh yeah, we're safe now – oooh, no we're not!" One moment, [Cherub] thought they were okay and look at that! No wonder Gary [Cairns] thinks this is the most powerful machine he's ever built."

— Cherub vs PP3D, Heat B, Head to Head, during replays of PP3D's battle-stopping attack on Cherub

"...but poor Concussion. They're almost out of it, because they're stuck in there. They can't drum up enough power to get away – they can! OH! They flip Thor with the mighty power of the drum! What a turn up, what a turn up!"

— Concussion vs Thor, Heat C, Head to Head, as Concussion flips Thor over despite getting stuck on the lowered pit

"Toasted Wyrm anyone? Eurgh, that sounds disgusting!"

— Pulsar vs Wyrm, Heat D, Head to Head, as an immobilised Wyrm is left to burn on the Flame Pit

"Oh goodness me, the Meggamouse wheel was simply lifted into space! Go on, back into your hole, Meggamouse - retreat!"

— Carbide vs Crackers 'n' Smash vs Meggamouse vs Trolley Rage, Heat E, Group Battle, shortly after Carbide rips off a wheel from Meggamouse

"Listen to Carbide's death hum - it's a death rattle for Aftershock!"

— Carbide vs Aftershock, Grand Final, Head to Head, as Carbide fully immobilises Aftershock

"Aftershock have gone into the arena with sticky-back plastic tape. Are you sure?"

— Aftershock vs Ironside3, Grand Final, Head to Head, expressing disbelief at Team Shock's decision to hold Aftershock's armour panels together with gaffer tape

Robot Wars: Series 10

"Apollo are down! Apollo are down! Splashdown, Apollo! Behemoth, the greatest moment in twenty years! Twenty years of hurt and grief, end with huge celebrations, and frustration for Apollo."

— Apollo vs Behemoth, Heat A, Final, as Behemoth famously pits Apollo for its first Heat win since Series 2

"Carbide have never had to work anything like this! This is sensational stuff – this is the 91st Wonder of the World!"

— Big Nipper vs Carbide vs Gabriel 2, Heat B, Group Battle, as Carbide sustains an attack from Shunt during its tussle with Gabriel 2

"The team of Crackers 'n' Smash, not fanatics who want to win. For them, Robot Wars is more about the enjoyment of designing and creating something - the charity of human spirit. Bleugh! Pass me the sick bucket..."

— Big Nipper vs Crackers 'n' Smash, Heat B, Robot Redemption, commenting on Team Conker's motivation for competing

"Well, it was a good display, but the Botwright family didn't get their bots right in the end. And their clusterbots... are mere playthings of Sir Killalot!"

— Big Nipper vs Crackers 'n' Smash, Heat B, Robot Redemption, as Crackers 'n' Smash is counted out

"There's no more gas in Bucky; no more nip in those gnashers! It won't matter, though, I think – are they going to be saved by the bell?"

— Bucky the Robot vs Rapid vs Track-tion, Heat C, Group Battle, as Bucky the Robot survives to a Judges' decision despite getting flipped and running out of CO₂ to self-right

"I think they are immobilised. Vulture - Vulture looks a little bit to me like a Robot Wars budgerigar out there!"

— Apex vs Terrorhurtz vs Vulture, Heat C, Group Battle, as the Judges deem Vulture immobile

"Where they come from in Lewes, they roll flaming barrels down the streets on Bonfire Night. Well, they're rolling towards oblivion here!"

— Concussion vs The Kegs, Heat D, Robot Redemption, as Concussion dismantles one already-immobile half of The Kegs

"Nuts 2 are having an amazing competition so far! Never in my wildest dreams did I think this lumbering daddy long legs of a robot would make it this far, in this competition... Often thought of as the 'joke team' of Robot Wars, yeah? Who's laughing now? I'm not. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha HA!"

— Androne 4000 vs Nuts 2, Heat D, Semi-Final, commenting on Nuts 2's remarkable run at this point in the series

"Androne 4000's own attack took it into dangerous territory. It therefore couldn't move fully after that. Hydraulic fluid all over the arena floor... Who's going to repair that? Me I suppose, I'll have to be out there with a mop. And out they - it's gone EVERYWHERE, that fluid!"

— Androne 4000 vs Nuts 2, Heat D, Semi-Final, over replays of Androne 4000's defeat after sustaining damage to its hydraulics system

"What am I hearing? I'm hearing Magnetar's death drum whirring up! Oh, what a powerful onslaught! Ellis used that Fog of War brilliantly to get his weapon up to speed, his lethal drum catapulting Expulsion right onto that flipper..."

— Expulsion vs Magnetar, Heat E, Semi-Final, as Magnetar throws Expulsion into somersaults with its drum

"It's time for the biggest battle in Robot Wars history. If I don't survive this, tell my wives - all 162 of them - I love them! It's battle time!"

— 10 Robot Rumble, Grand Final, prior to the start of the Rumble

"Please, bring me my cocoa and a bed! Look at the robot rubbish in the bin, and I feel just like them! I've had enough! I quit!"

— 10 Robot Rumble, Grand Final, as Apollo (with assistance from Shunt) joins seven other defeated robots in the pit

"Oh, but look at this! That's CO-no that's not CO₂ venting, they're on fire I think! THEY'RE ON FIRE! They are absolutely on fire, there is a big Robot Wars technical term for this - Rapid... is... BUST!"

— Carbide vs. Rapid, Grand Final, Robot Redemption, as Rapid begins smoking copiously after taking a hit from Carbide

"This is great stuff! In come Eruption again, underneath Carbide... tossing and turning it! This is the stuff of Robot Wars dream here! Carbide and Eruption, what a final! Now, is the bar spinner working - yes it still is!"

— Carbide vs Eruption, Grand Final, Final, as a battered Eruption tosses Carbide during a close and evenly-fought final encounter

Robot Wars: World Series

"John, who's been around... since... 1066!"

— Terrorhurtz (UK) vs TMHWK (Rest of the World), Episode 1, Round 2, alluding to Terrorhurtz captain John Reid's experience and the Battle of Hastings

"It's unbelievable, isn't it? The one place you don't want to be when you've got fur on your side is on the flames... and they went straight for it! Oh, look at that! It's a flaming gorgeous sight if you're a UK supporter, but the Rest of the World hopes..."

— Apollo (UK) vs Diotoir (Rest of the World), Episode 1, Round 2 (Final), as Diotoir deliberately sets its fur alight at the start

"In the arena for this international Tag Team battle... Shunt! Or as the French call him, "Le Garçon de la Robotique, Pushing!""

— Concussion & Thor (UK) vs Terror Turtle & Cathadh (Rest of the World), Episode 2, Round 1, introducing Shunt as the allocated House Robot

General

"That's come down with snow on it!"

— The Seventh Wars, Heats B and P, Featherweight Championship Qualifiers, after G2 and Rampage 2 are each catapulted out of the arena by the Floor Flipper

"Six, five, it's gonna go to the Judges, is it?"

— Series 8-10, multiple episodes, usually in the closing seconds of a full three-minute fight

"It's battle time!"

— Series 8-10, multiple episodes, typically while announcing the start of fights

"FOG! OF! WAR!"

— Series 10, multiple episodes, whenever the Fog of War hazard is activated