The Best of Robot Wars

The Best of Robot Wars
The Robot Wars Logo from the introduction titles
Series	The Second Wars
First Broadcast	March 19th 1999
Original channel	BBC Two
Preceded by	Grudge Match Special
Succeeded by	Heat A of the Third Wars

"It was General Lee of the Confederate Army who said 'It is well that war is so terrible, otherwise we might grow too fond of it'. Well, bad news Mr. Lee 'cause we already have for the wars that have been raging in our designer war zone have given us some superb entertainment. There've been sparks, there's been fury, there's been the odd breakdown or two but most of all there's been some great combat. Which is why tonight we're giving all your galvanised grapple fans a chance to see the greatest hits, bashes and total mash-ups of Robot Wars. This is the best of the best. As they used to say on Blue Peter now's the time to ask your granny to leave the room."

— Craig Charles' introduction

The Best of Robot Wars was a special episode featuring highlights of the second series of Robot Wars originally broadcast on BBC Two on March 19, 1999. Hosted by Craig Charles, it took a look at some of the best and worst moments of the series.

Best Laid Plans

"You've charged your batteries, you've primed your weapons and you've hatched your plans like a mechanised mother hen but on Robot Wars the best laid plans of men and machines are often worthless."

— Craig Charles

Best Stunts

"As a rule, robots like ground. They weigh up to 80 kilos, they have wheels, they're designed to roll, not to fly. But rules are made to be broken, especially by robots."

— Craig Charles

Best of the House Robots

"Arguably the true stars of Robot Wars go by the names of Matilda, Sergeant Bash, Shunt, Dead Metal and Sir Killalot. Week in and week out they tirelessly fight the good fight, mocking the opposition, taking no prisoners. They're vindictive, they're cruel, their reign of death and destruction knows no bounds and if you want action well, it doesn't get any better than this."

— Craig Charles

Best Think Again

"Imagine you're a roboteer on the eve of battle. You've considered your strategies and anticipated every counterattack. Nothing can go wrong, glory awaits. Then everything goes pants, you'd best think again."

— Craig Charles

Best of the Infernos

"Chainsaws might cut you up and hammers might fall but there's one fate a robot fears above all — being barbecubed over the flame pit or lightly roasted by Sergeant Bash. With this in mind, let's warm things up a little bit with the best of the infernos."

— Craig Charles

Worst Performances

"Of course things don't always go the house robots' way. Matilda, Sergeant Bash, Shunt, Dead Metal and Sir Killalot have all been on the recieving end of some severe punishment. They've tasted the bitterness of defeat, they've been humiliated once too often and there can be no excuse for performances as poor as this."

— Craig Charles

Best Forgotten

"A poor performance, dodgy workmanship, driving so bad that you'd easily qualify for three penalty points. In Robot Wars some things are best left forgotten."

— Craig Charles

Best Pits & Pieces

"Let's face it, Robot Wars is all about carnage and destruction. The sheer brutallity of two tin plated warriors smashing each other into tiny pieces. The spectacle of one crazed machine pushing another into the pit of oblivion. In recognition of this fact it's time for the best pits and pieces."

— Craig Charles

Best Music in the World... Ever!

"There's nothing harmonious about robots locked in battle. But for one team, Robot Wars isn't just about tuning engines..."

— Craig Charles as he puts on some earplugs

Best Behaviour

"It might appear chaotic but the sport of Robot Wars is governed by some strict regulations. When told to activate you activate. When told to cease you cease. However, on occasion the house robots have been known to misbehave..."

— Craig Charles

Best Battles

"When push comes to shove — and it often does on Robot Wars, there can be no greater sight than two robots locked in battle. Chainsaws throb menacingly waiting for release. Hammers and axes strike with deadly accuracy. Shrapnel flies across the arena floor like confetti at a wedding but robots don't live together in married bliss, they want to divorce the hell out of each other!"

— Craig Charles

"So there you have it, you lucky people! You've seen the axle grinders and the circular saws, now you've seen the best of Robot Wars."

— Craig Charles' sign-off