The Best of Robot Wars

The Best of Robot Wars
The Robot Wars Logo from the introduction titles
Series	The Second Wars
First Broadcast	March 19th 1999
Original channel	BBC Two
Preceded by	Grudge Match Special
Succeeded by	Heat A of the Third Wars

"It was General Lee of the Confederate Army who said 'It is well that war is so terrible, otherwise we might grow too fond of it'. Well, bad news Mr. Lee 'cause we already have! For the wars that have been raging in our designer war zone have given us some superb entertainment. There've been sparks, there's been fury, there's been the odd breakdown or two but most of all there's been some great combat. Which is why tonight we're giving all your galvanised grapple fans a chance to see the greatest hits, bashes and total mash-ups of Robot Wars. This is the best of the best. As they used to say on Blue Peter: Now's the time to ask your granny to leave the room."

— Craig Charles' introduction

The Best of Robot Wars was a special episode featuring highlights of the second series of Robot Wars originally broadcast on BBC Two on March 19, 1999. Hosted by Craig Charles, it took a look at some of the best and worst moments of that series.

Best Laid Plans

Mortis taking on the House Robots

"You've charged your batteries, you've primed your weapons and you've hatched your plans like a mechanised mother hen but on Robot Wars the best laid plans of men and machines are often worthless."

— Craig Charles

• Mortis' Gauntlet run in Heat C - After reaching the end the team as planned attempted to take on and deal some damage to the house robots Matilda and Shunt. However, they were beaten and ended up being dumped in the pit by Shunt.
• Inquisitor's Gauntlet run in Heat D - The team were concerned that they wouldn't be able to damage the house robots but they were able to successfuly complete the Gauntlet course.
• Razer's fight against Inquisitor later that same heat - Razer's team had expected to and were the favourites to win but after causing some superficial damage to Inquisitor the robot broke down and ended up being attacked by the house robots.
• Challenger's Joust Trial during Heat C - Challenger's team were unable to keep their robot in a straight line and Matilda ended up pushing it back to the start line.
• Caliban's Gauntlet run in Heat A - After getting stuck it came under attack by Sir Killalot and ended up getting picked up off the ground and tipped over.

Best Stunts

Cassius self-rights

"As a rule, robots like ground. They weigh up to 80 kilos, they have wheels, they're designed to roll, not to fly. But rules are made to be broken, especially by robots."

— Craig Charles

• Panic Attack's Gauntlet run in Heat F - With Sir Killalot holding the seesaw ramp down Panic Attack drove off the end and ended up on the top of Dead Metal.
• Robo Doc's Joust Trial in Heat I - After driving into Matilda the house robot flipped Robo Doc over backwards. The robot was however was able to hold on and perform well in the end.
• Cassius's battle against Haardvark in Semi-Final 2 - Cassius was able to flip Haardvard over several times in a row.
• Mortis' Gauntlet run during Semi-Final 1 - Mortis drove off the seesaw ramp in the middle route and after hitting the seperator bars landed upside down.
• Cassius self-righting for the first time during the Pinball Trial in Semi-Final 2.
• Cassius against Panic Attack during the final battle of the Grand Final - Panic Attack slid over Cassius several times during the battle and Cassius once again demonstrated its ability to self-right.

Best of the House Robots

Shunt axes Panic Attack

"Arguably the true stars of Robot Wars go by the names of Matilda, Sergeant Bash, Shunt, Dead Metal and Sir Killalot. Week in and week out they tirelessly fight the good fight, mocking the opposition, taking no prisoners. They're vindictive, they're cruel, their reign of death and destruction knows no bounds and if you want action well, it doesn't get any better than this."

— Craig Charles

• The house robots attacking Leighviathan during it's battle with Mace in Heat B.
• Shunt peppering the top armor of Panic Attack with holes with its axe during Panic Attack's Heat F Gauntlet run.
• Matilda pushing Wheelosaurus onto the ramrig and attacking it with Shunt during Wheelosaurus' battle with Chaos in Heat B.

Best Think Again

Matilda flips Panda Monium over

"Imagine you're a roboteer on the eve of battle. You've considered your strategies and anticipated every counterattack. Nothing can go wrong, glory awaits. Then everything goes pants, you'd best think again."

— Craig Charles

• Sting in it's Gauntlet run in Heat H being attacked and then pushed into the Pit by Dead Metal.
• Rameses II's team had improved their robot from the first series by replacing its wheels with tracks and upgrading their hammer weapon. These improvments however led to their weapon nearly tipping over their robot at the breeze blocks during their Gauntlet run in Heat C.
• Panda Monium's team were confident of their robot's weapon however during the Heat A battle against Napalm they were ironically flipped over by Matilda after straying into the Perimeter Patrol Zone.
• Ivanhoe's ability to self-right due to the shape of its body was boasted by their team. However when G.B.H. managed to flip them over in the Heat J final they were unable to do so.
• Tantrum's team were reasonably confident before their Tug of War Trial event during Heat B. They ended up being going straight down the pit.
• The power of Napalm's weaponary was detailed in the pits before their Gauntlet run in Heat A. Sir Killalot ended up removing their chainsaw, which was never replaced.

Best of the Infernos

"Chainsaws might cut you up and hammers might fall but there's one fate a robot fears above all — being barbecubed over the flame pit or lightly roasted by Sergeant Bash. With this in mind, let's warm things up a little bit with the best of the infernos."

— Craig Charles

Worst Performances

"Of course things don't always go the house robots' way. Matilda, Sergeant Bash, Shunt, Dead Metal and Sir Killalot have all been on the recieving end of some severe punishment. They've tasted the bitterness of defeat, they've been humiliated once too often and there can be no excuse for performances as poor as this."

— Craig Charles

Best Forgotten

"A poor performance, dodgy workmanship, driving so bad that you'd easily qualify for three penalty points. In Robot Wars some things are best left forgotten."

— Craig Charles

Best Pits & Pieces

"Let's face it, Robot Wars is all about carnage and destruction. The sheer brutallity of two tin plated warriors smashing each other into tiny pieces. The spectacle of one crazed machine pushing another into the pit of oblivion. In recognition of this fact it's time for the best pits and pieces."

— Craig Charles

Best Music in the World... Ever!

"There's nothing harmonious about robots locked in battle. But for one team, Robot Wars isn't just about tuning engines..."

— Craig Charles as he puts on some earplugs

Best Behaviour

"It might appear chaotic but the sport of Robot Wars is governed by some strict regulations. When told to activate, you activate. When told to cease, you cease. However, on occasion the house robots have been known to misbehave..."

— Craig Charles

Best Battles

"When push comes to shove — and it often does on Robot Wars, there can be no greater sight than two robots locked in battle. Chainsaws throb menacingly waiting for release. Hammers and axes strike with deadly accuracy. Shrapnel flies across the arena floor like confetti at a wedding but robots don't live together in married bliss, they want to divorce the hell out of each other!"

— Craig Charles

"So there you have it, you lucky people! You've seen the axle grinders and the circular saws, now you've seen the best of Robot Wars."

— Craig Charles' sign-off