The Best of Robot Wars

The Best of Robot Wars
The Robot Wars Logo from the introduction titles
Series	The Second Wars
First Broadcast	March 19th 1999
Original channel	BBC Two
TV Ratings	3.01 million
Preceded by	Grudge Match Special
Succeeded by	Heat A of the Third Wars

"It was General Lee of the Confederate Army who said 'It is well that war is so terrible, otherwise we might grow too fond of it'. Well, bad news Mr. Lee 'cause we already have for the wars that have been raging in our designer war zone have given us some superb entertainment. There've been sparks, there's been fury, there's been the odd breakdown or two but most of all there's been some great combat which is why tonight we're giving all your galvanised grapple fans a chance to see the greatest hits, bashes and total mash-ups of Robot Wars. This is the best of the best. As they used to say on Blue Peter: Now's the time to ask your granny to leave the room."

— Craig Charles' introduction

The Best of Robot Wars was a special episode featuring highlights of the second series of Robot Wars originally broadcast on BBC Two on March 19, 1999. Hosted by Craig Charles, it took a look at some of the best and worst moments of that series.

• This was the second of two special episodes broadcast during the run of the second series that instead of featuring robot combat focused more on behind-the-scenes aspects of the series.
• The episode featured clips from all the Heats, Semi-Finals and the Grand Final of the series but none from the Grudge Matches special. Additionally, behind-the-scenes clips could be briefly seen sometimes during the segments featuring Craig Charles.

Craig Charles as he appears in the episode

Best Laid Plans

Mortis taking on the House Robots

"You've charged your batteries, you've primed your weapons and you've hatched your plans like a mechanised mother hen but on Robot Wars the best laid plans of men and machines are often worthless."

— Craig Charles

• Mortis' Gauntlet run in Heat C. After reaching the end the team as planned attempted to take on and deal some damage to the house robots Matilda and Shunt. However, they were beaten and ended up being dumped in the pit by Shunt.
• Inquisitor's Gauntlet run in Heat D. The team were concerned that they wouldn't be able to damage the house robots but they were able to successfully complete the Gauntlet course.
• Razer's fight against Inquisitor later that same heat. Razer's team had expected to and were the favourites to win but after causing some superficial damage to Inquisitor the robot broke down and ended up being attacked by the house robots.
• Challenger's Joust Trial during Heat C. Challenger's team were unable to keep their robot in a straight line and Matilda ended up pushing it back to the start line.
• Caliban's Gauntlet run in Heat A. After getting stuck it came under attack by Sir Killalot and ended up getting picked up off the ground and tipped over.

Best Stunts

Cassius self-rights

"As a rule, robots like ground. They weigh up to 80 kilos, they have wheels, they're designed to roll, not to fly. But rules are made to be broken, especially by robots."

— Craig Charles

• Panic Attack's Gauntlet run in Heat F. With Sir Killalot holding the see-saw ramp down Panic Attack drove off the end and ended up on the top of Dead Metal.
• Robo Doc's Joust Trial in Heat I. After driving into Matilda the house robot flipped Robo Doc over backwards. The robot was however was able to hold on and perform well in the end.
• Cassius's battle against Haardvark in Semi-Final 2. Cassius was able to flip Haardvark over several times in a row.
• Mortis' Gauntlet run during Semi-Final 1. Mortis drove off the see-saw ramp in the middle route and after hitting the separator bars landed upside down.
• Cassius self-righting for the first time during the Pinball Trial in Semi-Final 2.
• Cassius against Panic Attack during the final battle of the Grand Final. Panic Attack slid over Cassius several times during the battle and Cassius once again demonstrated its ability to self-right.

Best of the House Robots

Shunt axes Panic Attack

"Arguably the true stars of Robot Wars go by the names of Matilda, Sergeant Bash, Shunt, Dead Metal and Sir Killalot. Week in and week out they tirelessly fight the good fight, mocking the opposition, taking no prisoners. They're vindictive, they're cruel, their reign of death and destruction knows no bounds and if you want action well, it doesn't get any better than this!"

— Craig Charles

• The house robots attacking Leighviathan during its battle with Mace in Heat B.
• Shunt peppering the top armour of Panic Attack with holes with its axe during Panic Attack's Heat F Gauntlet run.
• Matilda pushing Wheelosaurus onto the ramrig and attacking it with Shunt during Wheelosaurus' battle with Chaos in Heat B.

Best Think Again

Matilda flips Panda Monium over

"Imagine you're a roboteer on the eve of battle. You've considered your strategies and anticipated every counter-attack. Nothing can go wrong, glory awaits. Then everything goes pants, you'd best think again."

— Craig Charles

• Sting in its Gauntlet run in Heat H being attacked and then pushed into the Pit by Dead Metal.
• Rameses II's team had improved their robot from the first series by replacing its wheels with tracks and upgrading their hammer weapon. These improvements however led to their weapon nearly tipping over their robot at the breeze blocks during their Gauntlet run in Heat C.
• Panda Monium's team were confident of their robot's weapon. However, during the Heat A battle against Napalm they were ironically flipped over by Matilda after straying into the Perimeter Patrol Zone.
• Ivanhoe's ability to self-right due to the shape of its body was boasted by their team. However when G.B.H. managed to flip them over in the Heat J final they were unable to do so.
• Tantrum's team were reasonably confident before their Tug of War Trial event during Heat B. They ended up being going straight down the pit.
• The power of Napalm's weaponry was detailed in the pits before their Gauntlet run in Heat A. Sir Killalot ended up removing their chainsaw, which was never replaced.

Best of the Infernos

The football after being set alight by Sergeant Bash

"Chainsaws might cut you up and hammers might fall but there's one fate a robot fears above all: Being barbecued over the flame pit or lightly roasted by Sergeant Bash. With this in mind, let's warm things up a little bit with the best of the infernos."

— Craig Charles

• All Torque getting dumped on the flame pit in its Gauntlet run during Heat I.
• Rameses II being hung over the flame pit in the Heat C battle vs Mortis despite boasting about the strength of their thick plastic armour beforehand.
• Sir Killalot was inadvertently set on fire by Sergeant Bash while hoisting Robo Doc in its Gauntlet run in Heat I.
• Nemesis's fur being as per usual set on fire by Sergeant Bash during its Heat G Gauntlet run.
• ORAC being roasted on the flame pit by Killertron in their Heat E battle.
• Elvis got set alight by Sergeant Bash during the course of its Football trial in Heat D
• During the Football trial of Heat H Sergeant Bash was even able to set the ball alight with its flamethrower.
• Milly-Ann Bug's hair in the same Football trial event as Elvis.
• R.O.C.S. getting tipped over by Sir Killalot while on the flame pit in its Gauntlet run in Heat G.
• Haardvark being held over the flame it by Sir Killalot in its Semi-Final 2 battle against Cassius.
• Piece De Resistance again being held aloft over the flame pit by Sir Killalot during its Heat G Skittles trial event.

Worst Performances

Spin Doctor breaks Matilda's tusks

"Of course things don't always go the house robots' way. Matilda, Sergeant Bash, Shunt, Dead Metal and Sir Killalot have all been on the receiving end of some severe punishment. They've tasted the bitterness of defeat, they've been humiliated once too often and there can be no excuse for performances as poor as this!"

— Craig Charles

• Cassius tipping over Matilda onto her side in the Heat H final against Loco.
• All Torque defeating Matilda in the Joust trial in Heat I by pushing her aside, becoming the only robot to do so.
• In its Heat K King of the Castle trial Demon while it did get pushed off the edge by the house robots Dead Metal and Sergeant Bash it was able though to take Sergeant Bash down along with it.
• While plucking Groundhog off the ground in its Heat H Gauntlet run Sir Killalot lost his balance and ended up tipping over face down.
• In the Joust trial in Heat B Chaos was able to beat Dead Metal and pull him into the pit, making Chaos the only one that managed to beat the house robot.
• Panic Attack shoving Shunt off the edge of the Sumo ring in Heat F.
• During the Pinball trial event that took place in Semi-Final 2 Matilda accidentally reversed into the pit while attempting to fight off Roadblock.
• In the Heat F battle against Whirling Dervish after hitting Sergeant Bash a number of times Panic Attack was able to break loose the Sergeant's circular saw weapon.
• Spin Doctor breaking Matilda's tusks in the Heat E King of the Castle trial event.
• In its Gauntlet run in Heat B Wheelosaurus was able to rip off the gas canister of Sergeant Bash's flamethrower weapon.
• Matilda going off the edge of the King of the Castle ring along with Technophobic after a push with Shunt in Heat E.
• Dead Metal during the Heat J Gauntlet with Talos — While attempting to face off the competitor the house robot got caught off guard and ended up being dumped in the pit.
• Haardvark managed to take Dead Metal down along with it while he pushed the robot off the edge of the Sumo ring in Heat L.
• Sir Killalot reversing into the pit during Mortis' controversial Pinball trial run in Semi-Final 1.

Best Forgotten

Sir Killalot hoists Piece De Resistance over the wall

"A poor performance, dodgy workmanship, driving so bad that you'd easily qualify for three penalty points. In Robot Wars some things are best left forgotten."

— Craig Charles

• Ron getting pushed off the Sumo ring by Shunt in Heat F in 4.6 seconds.
• Pain not moving at all in the Gauntlet in Heat E due to the failure of the robot's electronics.
• Griffon not getting far in the Gauntlet in Heat C and coming under attack by the house robots.
• Tender Caress' team in Heat L were confident of their robot's performance and were seen juggling in the pits but once in the arena they were quickly eliminated by Dead Metal in the Sumo event.
• Leighviathan getting ripped apart by Sir Killalot in the Heat B Gauntlet.
• Piece De Resistance was seen in both of its Heat A events, firstly being carried by Sir Killalot over the Gauntlet breeze blocks and then in the Skittles trial failing to knock over a single pin.
• Bodyhammer getting stuck on the Gauntlet ramrig and then pinned by Sir Killalot in Heat D.
• Flirty Skirty's armour being removed by Sir Killalot at the end of its Heat L Semi-Final battle against Havoc.
• Cruella was seen being pinned at the corner of the Gauntlet with the ramrig by Sir Killalot in Heat C.
• Mace and Panic Attack in their Semi-Final 1 Gauntlet race-off. Due to a tie in both robot's distances a race-off event was held to decide which robot should go through to the next round. Mace was seen being pitted by The Sentinel and as a result Panic Attack went through having already passed the pit.
• Vercingetorix, who had been immobilized in its battle with Haardvark was pitted by Sir Killalot at the Heat L Semi-Final stage.

Best Pits & Pieces

Killertron pits Technophobic

"Let's face it, Robot Wars is all about carnage and destruction. The sheer brutality of two tin plated warriors smashing each other into tiny pieces. The spectacle of one crazed machine pushing another into the pit of oblivion. In recognition of this fact it's time for the best pits and pieces."

— Craig Charles

• Mortis by Panic Attack and Matilda in Semi-Final 1, Arena.
• Cassius by Sergeant Bash in Heat H, Final.
• Groundhog by Matilda in Heat H, Final.
• Behemoth by Sir Killalot in Semi-Final 1, Trial (Pinball).
• Flirty Skirty by Sir Killalot in Heat L, Gauntlet.
• Oblivion by Matilda in Heat C, Gauntlet.
• Nemesis by Onslaught in Heat G, Semi-Final.
• Disruptor by Panic Attack in Heat F, Final.
• Technophobic by Killertron in Heat E, Final.

Best Music in the World... Ever!

The team performing their theme song in the Arena

"There's nothing harmonious about robots locked in battle. But for one team, Robot Wars isn't just about tuning engines..."

— Craig Charles as he puts on some earplugs

After Craig Charles' introduction (during which he looks noticeably uncomfortable) the theme song of the International Wreck Crew is heard while clips of their robot Plunderbird 2's battles and events throughout the series are shown. The team are also briefly seen performing their theme song.

Best Behaviour

The House Robots turn on Demolition Demon

"It might appear chaotic but the sport of Robot Wars is governed by some strict regulations. When told to activate, you activate! When told to cease, you cease! However, on occasion the house robots have been known to misbehave..."

— Craig Charles

• During Demolition Demon's Skittles trial event in Heat A the house robots all ganged up on it and did some damage after knocking over the most barrels in that heat.
• Despite cease being called at the end of Rameses II's Joust trial in Heat C Matilda continued to push Rameses II back and she ended up getting a telling off from Craig Charles.

Best Battles

Killertron attacks Behemoth

"When push comes to shove — and it often does on Robot Wars, there can be no greater sight than two robots locked in battle. Chainsaws throb menacingly waiting for release. Hammers and axes strike with deadly accuracy. Shrapnel flies across the arena floor like confetti at a wedding but robots don't live together in married bliss, they want to divorce the hell out of each other!"

— Craig Charles

• Killerhurtz vs Roadblock in Heat G, Semi-Final.
• Matilda cutting into Broot's wooden wheels in the Heat J Gauntlet.
• Matilda attempting to cut into Wheelosaurus' wheels in Heat B.
• Behemoth vs Killertron in Semi-Final 1, Arena featuring Killertron at first taking off a piece of Behemoth's armour with its pickaxe and then using it to tip Behemoth over.
• Mortis creating holes in Oblivion's armour with its axe in Heat C, Final.
• Panic Attack vs Whirling Dervish in Heat F, Semi-Final.
• Behemoth vs Inquisitor in Heat D, Final.
• Dreadnaut vs Oblivion in Heat C, Semi-Final.

"So there you have it, you lucky people! You've seen the axle grinders and the circular saws, now you've seen the best, of Robot Wars."

— Craig Charles' sign-off