After many a qualifying Heat battle to get to this stage, the Semi-Finals of Robot Wars is where the standard ups a level, and where we bear witness to some of the best fights the show has ever seen. As Jonathan Pearce fittingly said during the Semi-Final Round 1 bout between X-Terminator and St. Agro in Series 7: "We are now down to the stage where the fittest and meanest survives, and the weakest are marmalised". And here we will maramlise some Semi-Final related content too - in the form of battles!
That's right, here we will whittle down all 64 of the UK Championship Semi-Final battles in Robot Wars from worst to best. Which means in contention are every series from Series 2 through to 7.
64. Hypno-Disc vs. Firestorm 3 - Series 5, Semi-Final B, Round 1
"and are Firestorm trying to lure Hypno-Disc into a false sense of security here? The old rope-a-dope Muhammad Ali trick perhaps!!??"
It's not a hard one to predict for bottom place. Hypno-Disc's one-and-done job on Firestorm 3 was such a shame. And it wasn't even a 'good' or even 'okay' one-and-done fight! This was as bad as it gets for what is an already-disappointing type of fight. Even in a fight as poor as Vader vs. Aggrobot 3 we saw damage! But here, all that was needed was a side-panel nudge to immobilise Team Firestorm's bot.
We even saw the type of display these two could put on later in the series too! But sadly, we didn't even get anywhere near that level of pace or aggressiveness in this battle, with the second meeting between the two almost being a demand from the Robot Wars gods after the sham this first encounter proved to be. "totally toilet", as Craig Charles would say.
63. Firestorm 4 vs. 13Black - Series 6, Semi-Final A, Round 1
https://robotwars.fandom.com/wiki/Self-inflicted_immobilisation
From one Firestorm machine to another, and although this time the entry is a win for Graham Bone's machine, the battle quality itself is hardly any better.
Simply put: this battle was a disaster from the moment it was drawn. A precision-milled, no-nonsense flipper against a fun and aggressive, but easily-flippable machine. Now, getting the inevitable one-and-done flip was bad enough. But what followed made this fight even worse.
To start with, Firestorm 4 tries to strand 13Black against the arena wall. In attempting this, it gets itself and its opponent stuck, which leads to Refbot unpinning the two - which is fair enough. But once Refbot completes his job, Firestorm 4 then accelerates and wheelies back up onto the arena wall again! Here, Refbot decides to prise Firestorm 4 free once again. The first instance I understand, but the second time was completely self-inflicted, and notably, only Firestorm 4 was in trouble this time, with 13Black crawling away on its overturned flywheels! Once Refbot completes the unpin for a second time, Firestorm 4 finally completes the necessary move needed for a KO.
This fight was basically Push to Exit vs. Expulsion levels of bad without any of the charm of an equally-laughable conclusion to the fight. And considering it is between two of the Top 12 machines in the country by this point, that only makes it worse. Truly wretched.
62. 101 vs. Scutter's Revenge - Series 3, Semi-Final B, Round 1
This could've been an interesting battle, instead we got little else
No flippers in our next battle, as instead its a match between two of Series 3's stronger pushes.
Unfortunately, it was no Storm 2 vs. Tornado. Heck, it wasn't even near something like King Buxton vs. All Torque.
101 vs. Scutter's Revenge starts with the latter in control. Its steep front dictating 101 movements rather comfortably. However, what could've proved to be a good, solid driving match suddenly-yet-also-slowly comes to a halt, with Scutter's Revenge immediately slowing down, but taking an absolute age to be fully immobile. There's little else to the bout apart from that. A thoroughly poor battle.
At least a Shunt axe attack chipping off part of the top of Scutter's Revenge looked kinda cool... I guess?
61. Razer vs. Spawn Again - Series 5, Semi-Final A, Round 1
this was about the furthest away from Razer's wedge Spawn Again was during the entire fight
During Robot Wars' lifetime we saw this battle take place twice, but most would say that we'd seen enough of this matchup before the first matchup even started.
It just isn't an interesting matchup even on paper. Spawn Again with a big, eatable body, inconsistent moments and a lack of precision, against... Razer.
Now I'm an advocate of Razer battles. I think a large portion of them are thoroughly entertaining. However, when it comes to UK Championship Semi-Final battles Razer rarely gave us anything beyond pure ruthlessness, and when there was often fantastic battles happening around these poor Razer ones, then this may be where the '90% of Razer's battles are boring' notion comes from.
And this particular battle is very, very slow paced, one dimensional, and even ends with a rather pathetic Spawn Again breakdown next to the Pit. You could very much tell that the Razer boys were desperate to progress towards the UK title for the first time, and really did not give Spawn Again any breathing space at all. And with how poor this fight was, and when the battles either side of this one were Chaos 2 vs. Wild Thing, and S3 vs. Wild Thing vs. Spawn Again, that only highlights this sore thumb even more.
60. Beast of Bodmin vs. Blade - Series 3, Semi-Final B, Round 1
black and yellow, black and yellow
Up next is, naturally, one of the weakest Semi-Finals while we're still at this stage of the list. However, I do want to give some credit to Beast of Bodmin. The KO flick itself was still quite nifty and visually nice, and stops this fight finishing even lower. With Blade's weapon not working, and two comparatively poorer machines on display, this bout was never going to be anything special, but it still could've been even worse than it was, which was still admittedly bare bones, mundane stuff.
59. Hypno-Disc vs. Dominator 2 - Series 5, Semi-Final B, Round 2
"let's take a look at the highlights at the end of that epic battle"
Our first Round 2 battle now, and it's one of the most infamous in the show's history. We know the story by now: Hypno-Disc comes in with early slams that were enough to lock Dominator 2's drive in on one side, and what followed was nothing in the way of attacks from either.
Is this fight a farce? Absolutely. It's bizarre that Refbot didn't come in to close out this fight. Maybe the producers were determined to see a couple more big hits from Hypno-Disc, so they were trying to force the Roses' machine into action by holding off the countout for so long? Who knows.
Nevertheless, I personally do not find this fight as offensive as a lot of people do. At this point in time, I personally acknowledge its problems and accept the narrative and controversy that this fight brings whenever I rewatch this episode. I wouldn't say I enjoy it by any means, but it is a noteworthy moment in Series 5.
Do I disagree with people who hate on this fight? No. It is a bad fight, and even if Refbot had done his job properly, a fight between Hypno-Disc and Dominator 2 ending after a few hits would've still been a massive waste of potential. I simply think the fight still does enough visually, and has enough controversy about it in a rather amusing way to push it away from being truly as bad as the absolute worst battles in Robot Wars history, which pushes it into the Top 60 of this list. A truly massive achievement, indeed.
58. Typhoon 2 vs. Thermidor 2 - Series 7, Semi-Final B, Round 1
Thermidor 2 carefully places its flipper underneath Typhoon 2 in preparation for the KO flip
Another early spinner KO here. Thermidor 2 made fundamental improvements for Series 7 with the little rear tail, but the realty is that it was still an outdated machine for this level of Robot Wars, especially against a robot that needs a specific type of counter to it as Typhoon 2.
The way this fight went was thoroughly unsurprising. There's some good House Robot damage and terrific Jonathan Pearce commentary. That, Refbot doing his job, and the fight not really having potential in the first place is what edges this above Hypno-Disc vs. Dominator 2, but a bad battle it still is.
As a side note, honestly, it's a shame that Typhoon 2 essentially slipped through the Semis straight through to the Grand Final. Typhoon 2's Series 7 campaign is still iconic and enjoyable. The Atomic battle and Jonathan Pearce's commentary during that still helps add to how intimidating Typhoon 2 truly was, but I do wish we had another Iron-Awe 2.1 or X-Terminator type performance in the Semi-Finals itself, instead of an immediate KO and a self KO. Not that Typhoon 2 didn't make up for that after the Semis, mind. This particular battle though? Yeah, moving on...
57. Cassius vs. Haardvark - Series 2, Semi-Final B
for goodness sake, dead metal
For how wretched most of Series 2's battles are, it might be ever-so-slightly surprising that it took even this long for our first entry from that series to appear (yes, the standards are still low).
And for Series 2, the battle isn't awful. Cassius completes some nice early flips for fun after all. However, it then loses a drive chain, and just as Haardvark gets that bit of luck, Sir Killalot just picks it up and turns it over.
Still, there's other little bits of fun here. Cassius has some of its normal fun with the House Robots, and, err, Dead Metal gets himself beached over the Pit in the background too. Nothing too great, and a typical Series 2 PPZ kill, but especially for the time, it isn't disgustingly bad.
56. S3 vs. Dantomkia - Series 6, Semi-Final A, Round 1
angle delight for S3
Here, we have a fight that starts interestingly enough, with some Dantomkia shovelling, and a really solid S3 hit. Sadly, a second solid S3 hit was all that was needed to immobilise Dantomkia for good after it got wedged underneath the angle grinder.
It's a shame. This fight is a really interesting one on paper, and would've been a fun watch, and we only got a minor shred of what could've been. At least S3 went away and attacked the arena wall in a funny way after Dantomkia was immobilised, I guess.
55. Stinger vs. MouseTrap - Series 4, Semi-Final B, Round 1
"the wedge-shape CHEESE robot"
The Series 4 Semi-Final battles are of some incredibly high quality, and this one while not offensive, is still comfortably the weakest of the bunch. Both machines try to assert themselves. MouseTrap tries to bring its wedge and weapon into play, while Stinger delivers some decent hits during the fight. However, once Stinger stops going for overhead hits and instead spins sideways, it immediately overpowers MouseTrap, and it doesn't take too much to render it immobile. Not bad, but with little in the way of highlight moments either.
Still, I think a rematch involving the consistently mobile MouseTrap in Series 5 would've proved to be an interesting matchup. Not that we missed out with what MouseTrap did end up providing us with in Series 5, mind.
54. Firestorm 3 vs. Panic Attack vs. Wheely Big Cheese - Series 5, Semi-Final B, Losers' Melee
at least this was a cool flip
And next up we have the first of four Losers' Melees. And on paper, this featured the most mainstream big-name bots a Losers' Melee has done! Panic Attack, Firestorm, Wheely Big Cheese - these are names most casual fans immediately list off!
Unfortunately the battle we got was very much the opposite of high standards. Panic Attack barely moved, Wheely Big Cheese essentially burnt itself out underneath an angle grinder, and even Firestorm moved sluggishly at points - struggling with multiple flip attempts on Panic Attack.
It was flat, limp, and yet still predictable. At least Panic Attack actually completed a decent lift on Firestorm at the end. This fight should probably be a Top 10 finisher by that alone.
53. Hypno-Disc vs. Evil Weevil - Seres 3, Semi-Final B, Round 1
*insert official photo klaxon*
A slight change of mind here, with the Series 6 Semi-Final B Losers' Melee going one step higher than this one.
This particular fight saw a predictable result, with Hypno-Disc progressing past the victor of Heat L in a KO battle. Though I do find some personally satisfaction in how well Evil Weevil stands up to Hypno-Disc in terms of bodywork. In gets hit multiple times and only minor scabs are taken off. A Hypno-Disc hit that knocks Evil Weevil upwards also proved enough to lead to its eventual immobilisation. And even then, Evil Weevil stands up to Shunt's axe too! Maybe we should hold the armour of Kevin Pritchard's machine up to the same standard of Berserk 2 in Series 3, hey? 👀
52. Bigger Brother vs. Spawn Again vs. Hypno-Disc - Series 6, Semi-Final B, Losers' Melee
Rick on Bigger Brother, Spawn Again on Bigger Brother... The Iron-Awe 2.1 OotA could've simply been one of three times Bigger Brother was opportunistically and surprisingly OotAd!
Two Semi-Final B Losers' Melees in the last three! This one was another big-name melee on paper, but an early Hypno-Disc internal shakeup prevented the famous flywheel getting too involved in the action, which was a shame.
What separates this fight from the other Losers' Melee (they're both very similarly disappointing, mind) and the Hypno-Disc vs. Evil Weevil fight is the fact that it doesn't drag for as long. That, and despite this fight being massively underwhelming for the potential it had, the fact that we nearly saw Spawn Again OotA Bigger Brother with a great flip next to the Pit Release Bumper was still a notable moment. The sheer audacity of Series 6 Spawn Again to nearly get to the Top 8 of the competition - I find the fact it nearly achieved exactly that to be hilarious.
Neither of the two Losers' Melees mentioned so far are anywhere near the other two versions of this format that we saw in the UK Championship, so fear not - the quality of these particular fights does improve! But the two mentioned certainly weren't all-time classics despite the machines on show.
51. Steg-O-Saw-Us vs. Beast of Bodmin - Series 3, Semi-Final B, Round 2
and another official photo. spoilt for quality today, lads
Here we have an important part in the history of two machines. Steg-O-Saw-Us completes its incredible reserve-to-riches journey, with a victory here that clinched a place in the Grand Final episode. While on the losing side, we saw the very last involvement in the show from the Bodmin Community College team.
Sadly, for a fight with some notability, the action in the arena was largely flat, as an in-second-gear Steg-O-Saw-Us carried out a mixture of good shunts and casual shunts to force a Beast of Bodmin breakdown. Some classic House-Robot Shunt axe damage, and a good Floor Flipper toss are nice individual moments, but the fight itself was not exactly one fitting of these two machines/teams.
Nevertheless, this was Steg-O-Saw-Us' moment, and it still put on a decent display. So credit to it.
(we also got a "wry smile on the face of" klaxon from Jonathan Pearce. Whether that hurts or helps the fight is another question...)
50. Razer vs. Dantomkia - Series 6, Semi-Final A, Round 2
a proper pullback-on-pullback attack, this
Into the Top 50 we go, and a Razer Semi-Final Round 2 fight is now here. Razer largely controlled proceedings comfortably. Dantomkia did prove that its front-pronged setup was able to breach the shallower, wider parts of Razer's front wedge, which allowed it to carry out two decent drives to push Razer backwards, but overall the result was still a formality. This fight was nothing short of a professional job from Razer, with mostly functional-more-than-flashy attacks, and a rather drab fight as a result
49. Razer vs. S3 - Series 5, Semi-Final A, Round 2
searching the word 's3' into the image search leading to 300 images from series 3 👎
And now we'll go a year back, with another Round 2 Semi-Final fight from Razer that resulted in a disappointing battle for the stage of the competition we were at. This battle was better than the Dantomkia one, with Razer showing some more flamboyance in its attacks. The Flame Pit hoist and roast, and crushing in and around S3's spinner area were nice to look at. Shunt slamming S3 back down to the arena floor from Razer's grasp, and a close-in camera shot of Razer crumpling down on S3 in the closing stages were also decent visually. Nevertheless, for S3 to close out its incredible debut campaign with a bout of such little hope on its part was a shame, and hurts the battle a lot.
48. Pitbull vs. Fire Storm - Series 3, Semi-Final A, Round 1
*sigh*
Pitbull's only ever Semi-Final battle next. And for the limited screentime it had at this stage of the competition, the doggie did good! Prising underneath Fire Storm with its sharp, grounded front teeth, Pitbull kept Fire Storm under wraps in the early stages without really threatening to do anything too threatening with it.
Nevertheless, Pitbull was in control and set up the rest of the fight to be an interesting affair. But alas, that wasn't meant to be, with Pitbull reversing over the arena Floor Spike and being flicked up and over. There's some decent fun afterwards with the first 'cease' call from Stuart McDonald being ignored leading to some action between Pitbull and Sir Killalot. Nevertheless, such a silly self-immobilisation is bad in most fights, and hurts even more here when such a unique bot like Pitbull was in control against a future Robot Wars great in Fire Storm. Sad that this was the last time we'd see it in action.
47. Tornado vs. Raging Knightmare - Series 7, Semi-Final A, Round 1
Jonathan Pearce already struggles to work out what's happening from normal camera angles, just give him this one instead of an awkward House-Robot-cam tumble over
Back over to the Series 7 Semi-Finals now. And with our only entry so far being the eventual champion's Round 1 bout, we now have the defending champion's one.
In a swift bout, Tornado charges Raging Knightmare back towards one CPZ and over, where a House Robot flip occurs, before Raging Knightmare flips itself over in a Poundland Atomic move, with one more drive enough to immobilise Raging Knightmare.
Nothing much else to speak of here. A good drive to knock Raging Knightmare over, and a House Robot flip are the main attractions here. Though dishonourable mention of Series 7 using the House Robot cam for an attack on a House Robot here.
46. Wheely Big Cheese vs. Dominator 2 - Series 5, Semi-Final B, Round 1
say hello to Dominator 2, which is already falling back down by the time the cameraman has zoomed out enough
Up next is another Series 5 Semi-Final B battle. While a lot of battles from this episode underwhelm, this one is more painful with just how good the opening exchanges were.
Wheely Big Cheese's first attack is a gigantic flip on Dominator 2. A flip which comfortably exceeding the Axe-Awe one for height, and one which Dominator 2 lands from working just as well as did beforehand! This flip wasn't the only good moment in the fight either, as a swift Wheely Big Cheese thrust over gives us an instance of Dominator 2 having to right itself while planted face on towards the arena floor - leading to a nails-scratching-chalkboard feeling.
Unfortunately, even though Dominator 2 has taken the only punishment so far, it's Wheely Big Cheese who shows the only visual wear, as it begins to slow down before breaking down for good. And just like that a fight that had started so vibrantly between two interesting designs is cut off. Such a shame, and a battle that had potential to be one of the stronger Semi-Final battles in Robot Wars if it had gone the distance.
45. Razer vs. Wild Thing 2 - Series 6, Semi-Final A, Round 1
A classic, precise Razer attack
And just like that, Razer's Semi-Final battles are done for in this list, with 45th being the highest finisher of its four battles.
This battle is as one-sided as you would expect, though like the S3 battle it has visually-nice attacks. Razer prises apart one of Wild Thing 2's polycarbonate sheets from its main body, punctures a Wild Thing 2 tyre, and crumples into the body of its opponent nicely too. A lot of dead air in the middle of the fight hurts it a lot, as well as the aforementioned one-sided nature of the battle, but it's always nice to finish a fight with a Razer claw-drop pitting.
44. Pussycat vs. Panic Attack - Series 5, Semi-Final B, Round 1
*insert rubbish jp me-owch joke*
And just as we have another Razer battle, we also have another Series 5, Semi-Final B battle.
Pussycat vs. Panic Attack is mainly seen as a disappointment for how a battle between two of the finest drivers in the history of the show were unable to have a clean battle, with Kim Davies' Panic Attack suffering from intermittency during the fight. And during the opening exchanges where Panic Attack remains dormant in the CPZ, the reality sets in that this will not be an all-time classic. This hurts the battle, clearly.
However, credit here to Pussycat, because it causes some immense damage to Panic Attack, and only gets more and more aggressive as the battle goes on. What starts as general bodywork scratches and cuts turns into a ripped-back side skirt, broken forks and a warped srimech, as Pussycat gets more aggressive and comes in with some pacey drives where it crashes into Panic Attack from a distance. Is this fight disappointing? Absolutely. But Pussycat still provides as much content as it could have from the situation this battle was placed in with Panic Attack's issues, and I enjoyed the quality of its attacks a lot while rewatching this fight.
43. Chaos 2 vs. Trident - Series 3, Semi-Final A, Round 1
and an official photo to boot, lovely
This fight was a big a mismatch as you could hope to see. But at least Chaos 2 makes it a fun one and done! The flip from George Francis' machine was fantastic, a massive hurl which flings the lengthy Trident back up and over itself. The battle is short and easy to call, hence why it's still down here, but the attack itself was visually pleasing and impressive.
42. Panic Attack vs. Thing 2 - Series 3, Semi-Final A, Round 1
it feels like these two would've faced each other later on in their Robot Wars careers, but alas it wasn't to be
Series 3 Semi-Final A had a good standard of battles, especially for its time, though it is a shame that two of the first round battles featured a KO from an arena spike.
Not too dissimilar to Fire Storm vs. Pitbull, this battle starts with the underdog - in this case Thing 2 - with the upperhand, before the arena hazard intervenes to end this promising start.
So why is this battle six places higher than the other?
Well this battle is more active, fast paced, and makes use more use of the arena, with the CPZ and an arena wall charge being involved. Also, the KO itself, despite being via the arena spike, came about through a nice, angled Panic Attack reverse over the arena hazard, which looked more deliberately manufactured than Firestorm and Pitbull nudging each other before that KO happened.
Still a waste of potential? Absolutely. But not bad considering it was all of 45 seconds long.